I Think I Could Stay With You

We Need To Talk

2012-01-29T19:06:00.000-05:00

Hi Strangers! January 2012 is almost over! Holy balls! If you asked Kanye what this month has been like, he would say "that shit cray."

The most exciting event of the month was that my sister FINALLY came to visit! February is my 5 year anniversary of living in Ohio. She had NEVER been here to visit until 2 weeks ago. It wasn't long enough of a visit, but we had a lot of fun and jammed in as much stuff as we could. Next up, we have to get back to Colorado. I haven't been there since Christmas of 2007. TOO LONG.

Biggest thing going on has to be school. On the 2nd, I started my 14 hours/3 classes of online coursework through Ohio University. I'm a bobcat! I've never been to Athens where the actual campus is, but I will go visit before I get my degree so I can at least say I've been there. My classes are HARD. And ridiculously time consuming. The three classes I am taking are: Communicating with People with Disabilities, Statistics for Behavioral Sciences, and Business Communications. First one is super interesting yet gets all controversial on discussion board. Not a lot of homework which is a bonus. Second one....the one I HATE. I literally cry and get diarrhea before I do my homework. And our assignments last about 4-7 hours. ON AN "EASY" LESSON. eff. Midterm is Thursday. Can't wait to cry in public. And then good old business communications. I'd say this is the third time I've had to take some sort of biz com. Only because it's required. Because generally it's all a bunch of horseshit and NOTHING that I actually use in work. Legal writing is 180 degree different.

Confession: I've saved and came back to this 3 times. Talked on the phone to my daddy-o. Then ate a giant dinner. Now all I can think about is the 20 pages I have open and things I want to pin. Pin as in Pinterest. LOVE IT. And while I am not one of the single girls planning an imaginary wedding, I am a married woman planning an imaginary baby. Along with clothes I will never fit in to, jewelry I can never afford, and recipes I'm too lazy to go to the grocery store to buy the ingredients. Pinterest is all things wonderful.

Oh, and I had my birthday. 29. Seriously. Apparently that is the age that I'll be saying is my age on my next 10 birthdays. I even had the manager of the restaurant where we were having my birthday dinner "jokingly" guess it was my 29th. Husband was like "yeah! it is!" And then I had to tell him that basically the guy just thought I was older than 29. Oh and I still don't have a baby. My raging hormones and god awful period are reminding me of that. RAWR.

I have a surprise for February. Not on the blog, but in real life. And I think since only 3 people read this, and you're real life people, then you'll just have to find out later.

Ta-ta for now!

Twenty Dozen

2012-01-07T15:35:00.001-05:00

Balls have dropped (snort), champagne (sparkling cider for me) has been drunk, and the challenge of writing the date correctly is here. I had been fighting a cold since before Christmas, felt a little better, and then got way worse. New Year's eve I was in urgent care getting antibiotics. Needless to say I slept all day and woke up to hear Cee-Lo Green eff up the words to "Imagine" and watch Gaga awkwardly kiss Michael Bloomberg. Happy New Year! Snore.

I started my online classes with Ohio University on Tuesday. I'm taking 1. Communicating with People with Disabilities 2.Business Communications and 3. Statistics for the Behavioral Sciences. First one is super interesting, lots of nice people and good topics on the discussion board. Second one-meh. it's biz comm. Stupid. And I have to read a 300 page book this weekend and start a book report due on Friday. Gross. And then we have Stats. ohhhh stats. I was taking a class very similar to this the semester my mom died while I was at KU. I ended up taking an incomplete in the class because I couldn't do the group project. Also, math is involved. So needless to say, this makes me nervous. Not just nervous, but I was on the verge of tears, heart racing, and in the bathroom after every 4 questions. My husband laughed, and apologized for laughing, but I told him that he is seeing first hand how awful my math anxiety is. Good news--Got 57/60 on the first assignment. I also had a lot of fun with it towards then end. If you follow me on facebook or twitter, you saw that I was asking for people to share their height and shoe size. I sent a tweet to Luke Russert, Tim Russert's adorable son who has followed in his footsteps with political news, and he answered with a retweet and I had everything I needed in like 45 seconds. Something that would have otherwise taken me all day. Incredible.

House is good--no major issues there. Tree and indoor decorations are down. Husband is taking down the outside lights today. I can't believe it's 60 degrees in January. I know we'll pay for it with a blizzard in March.

I have a lot of other stuff on my mind, but I've already stopped and started this post twice. My friend's baby is in the hospital and I think I'm just going to go love on her for a bit before starting that awful reading homework.

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, GOOD BYEEEE (2011)

2011-12-30T21:42:00.001-05:00

I just did a quick run through of the blog this year. I didn't post anything until April. Life was busy. This entire year was ridiculous. From job to unemployment to internship to GRADUATION to BUYING A HOUSE. That's a lot of things to check off in a year.

All I can really think of wanting in 2012 is to be healthy. Since I'm sitting here coughing and hackin and eating cough drops like candy after 2 weeks of this crap-I JUST WANNA FEEL BETTER. From taking vitamins everyday (which I already do) to being cliche and dieting. But that will get done. I have an appointment Thursday for a consultation with a weight-loss specialist doctor. It's going to be extreme and will probably give me major blogging material.

There's only 3 other things...
1. Get all A's in my classes at Ohio University as I finish up my bachelor's degree.
2. Take piano lessons.
3. Get knocked up. Will 2012 bring a baby? I effing hope so because January 2013 brings my 30th birthday and...ooooofff. (let's not get too far ahead of ourselves)

Bonus:
Pay off some debt/save/take a REAL vacation.

Hope everyone stays safe and warm tomorrow night however you ring in the new year!

I Wish I Had A River

2011-12-18T22:26:00.001-05:00

...I could skate away on.

I watched the Glee Christmas episode earlier today and something kept coming back to me. They had the song "River" by Joni Mitchell in, but it was cut out because it was "too depressing." Someone pointed out that it's okay to recognize the sadness in our lives to make us thankful for what we do have. Instead, we're supposed to be SUPER CHEERY MERRY CHRISTMAS SMILEY SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE.

But, as much as we all project that giddiness "in the spirit of Christmas!" we're all still fighting demons and sadness. I'm sick, again, and I that's making me grumpy as well. I feel like nothing is right, or going my way, cry cry baby. Yesterday we were productive and gave the house a super clean. I also realized that we were a week behind on laundry, 3 weeks behind on poop scooping the backyard, and other chores that seem to fall on me. Hubby, if you read this, I love you and am so thankful for the house you've provided for me, and basically let me live in for free, but I can't do this all by myself. And like today, when I'm sick, and getting nosebleeds, and I go out in the cold to pick up poop and my glasses fall in the poop because my eyes hurt so I can't wear my contacts, and then come in and soak in the bathtub playing sad songs it's because when I say "we" need to do a better job, I really mean WE. I'm just overwhelmed. And probably overreacting.

I was soaking in the bath and thinking about how much I miss my mom. If you haven't noticed, I CAN'T GET OVER HER. My heart will NEVER break again like it died the day she died. It's impossible. The one person who gave me life.

A few months after she passed away, a family friend who is an award winning writer and photographer published a series of writings, photos, and videos that he had done with my mom over 2 years. I foolishly go to the website when I really want to reopen my wounds and see/hear/read Mama.

But I have a major problem with this article. I don't think I've ever said this to anyone other than my therapist. I don't think I've really told my family. But, here I am spilling it on the internet...I feel like I need to right now.

I gave up MY LIFE for mom. I moved back to Kansas to be with her. I didn't work. I took her to doctor's appointments. I made her baths. I helped her change bandages. I wouldn't have had it any other way. But she would have-she wanted me to enjoy my 20's. Date. Have a job. Go back to school. Go out with friends. And she started getting better. So I did date. I did start working. I did go back to school. My dad came back. I lived in an apartment under my dad's name so that Medicaid wouldn't take away my mom's health insurance. Within months of this happening, everything went down hill. My dad left St. Louis for Kansas. My sister to a leave of absence from college in Colorado for Kansas. They were there. My days were over.

The night before my mom died, I went out to a Halloween party with my best friend. I hadn't been out, with friends, having fun in a long time. I drank. I drank a lot. I drank to the point that I was crying and telling random strangers about my sick mom. But she thought my slutty bumble bee outfit was cute, and told me to leave.

At 10 am on Sunday October 29, 2006, my sister called crying. Mom's breathing had changed. She was unresponsive. The time was coming. I don't think I can EVER forgive myself for not being there. I should have been with her the whole time. I was fucking hungover the last time I ever saw my mother. Three hours later she was gone. Forever. This....this guilt eats me from the inside every day...I have no induced crocodile sized tears and gasping for air sobs.

If you want to read about an amazing woman, here is her story. It's not just her journey, or my journey, it's OUR JOURNEY. http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2007/feb/25/kathys_long_journey/

Or, if you just want some good old fashioned holiday tears, just hit play.

i can haz presunts nao?

2011-12-14T18:05:00.002-05:00

Commitment Issues

2011-12-11T20:25:00.001-05:00

I have problems with commitment. Luckily, it's to things that are totally inconsequential and not important things, like marriage. I'm okay with that. I specifically do not like committing to certain things. 1. Purses. I change purses all the time. Even when I buy the expensive ones and I say things like "I SWEAR I will use this for the entire next year and not change." 2. Cell phones. The EVO gets points though. First phone I've had for AN ENTIRE YEAR without wanting to throw it out the window. I think switching to Sprint is a big part of that. Their customer service kicks ass, so when my phone did act up once, they just gave me a new one! I may still have a deep desire for an iPhone though... 3. Blog templates. I've written about this before, I think, at least because I always change it. It's hard for me to find something that I want. Forever. That's ME. I guess it's kind of like the purses; I have a hard time identifying myself and answering the "who are you?" question. So I guess that means when I change my mind or feel differently about something, then I of course have to change it. Also on this list should be 4. HAIR. Golden rule of the salon was always "If you can't change where you are or anything else you want to change right now, you can ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR HAIR."

Oh, and I'm still working on the baby bucket list. It's coming...

Since the start of 2011 I've:

2011-12-06T20:44:00.001-05:00

Cross off what you’ve done:
Gotten a new piercing.
~~Dyed my hair.~~
Ended a relationship.
Started a new relationship.
~~Been on a long car/bus journey.~~
~~Passed an exam.~~
Met someone who’s now an important part of my life.
~~Cried on someone’s shoulder.~~
~~Had a massive fight with a boy/girl.~~
Received flowers.
~~Had a Valentine~~.
~~Written a letter using pen & paper.~~
~~Gone to see a therapist.~~
~~Been prescribed medication by a doctor.~~
~~Read a really good book.~~
Gone to the zoo.
~~Spent too much money on unnecessary things.~~
Traveled by train.
~~Cried over a member of the opposite sex.~~
Spent the day out in the sun getting a tan.
~~Slammed a door out of frustration.~~
~~Had an anxiety attack.~~
~~Babysat for a friend’s child.~~
~~Had a BBQ.~~
Gone to the fair
Gone bowling.
~~Seen a film at the cinema in 3D.~~
~~Gone on a date.~~
~~Been the only sober one on a night out.~~
~~Helped someone home after they had been drinking.~~
~~Stayed up all night.~~
Talked on the phone for over two hours.
~~Supported someone who’d received bad news.~~
Watched some kind of live sporting event.
Read an entire book in one day.
~~Bought a DVD the day it was released~~.
Eaten McDonald’s (fast food) more than four times in a single week.
Cried as a result of exam stress.
~~Met some incredible new people.~~
~~Gone to great parties.~~
Fallen backwards off a chair

~~Cried over someone in the past.~~
~~Spent hours aimlessly browsing the internet.~~
Thrown up.
~~Cried over a film.~~
Gone out of my way to avoid an ex-boy/girlfriend.
Fought with someone in public.
~~Been in a relationship for a year or longer.~~
~~Cried in front of someone I adore.~~
Lost one of my closest friends.

Thankful

2011-11-28T21:17:00.001-05:00

Over a month since last post. Ewps. I know I had A LOT on my mind and going on, but I guess I couldn't bring myself to write about it. Obviously the biggest thing that happened in the time I was gone, was the 5th anniversary of my mom dying. October 29th. 5 years. How is that even possible? Time hasn't even made a dent in the sadness I still have of losing her. Everyday is painful. I guess the thing to be thankful for is that our lungs keep breathing, our hearts keep beating, and that those involuntary things keep us alive. Because I know that if I had to think about doing those things, I never would have made it.

I'm still working for the adoption attorney. It has it's ups and downs. Mostly downs, but I'm still searching elsewhere. She's a really interesting lady and I've learned a lot (both what to do and what NOT to do) but only getting paid once a month (and I haven't actually even gotten a "real" paycheck, just "advances") is a total doozey especially since I work so few hours. Today I actually got to brush off my research skills and track down some case law on a particular topic. That was good. Especially the dread I felt about going back to work after having 5 days off.

During those 5 days, Josh and I got a lot done! We stayed home for Thanksgiving, but made a delightful little feast. Josh cooked a turkey breast, and even that was enough to feed us for 5 meals over 3 days. The dark chocolate cherry pie I made seemed to be a hit with him as well. We did work in and around the house, including putting up Christmas stuff. We never put up outside lights, so I was REALLY excited about that! We didn't go all-out Griswold, but I love it! And our LIVE, fat, 7 foot tall tree is beautiful and smells amazing. That was another reason I got on the blog today-to change my layout! (I like to change it up. A lot.) We also did a lot of lounging and playing games and watching tv. We watched the entire first, and all the episodes so far, of The Walking Dead. I hate everything zombie related, but this show is pretty good. I've also learned I MUST keep myself off of Twitter and Facebook until I've seen my shows, because EVERYONE KEEPS SPOILING EVERYTHING. At least when I get super excited about, say, Grey's Anatomy, I stick to my "OMGreys!" status and then discuss it later with people. Don't be a ruiner people.

This is my last week of classes. I actually have until the 6th to take the two finals. Hopefully I'll get it done this week, and sell those stupid books back. I start my Ohio University online classes in January. CRAZY. The syllabi I've read for my classes look pretty intense. I'm going to have to do MUCH better than I did with these two classes.

Not sure what our plans for Christmas are...I'd love it if people would come to our house. But we're the ones that are farthest away, and no one comes to visit. :( I've lived here, well in Ohio, for 4 years but my sister has never been here. That makes me sad.

I'm also sad about baby stuff. I swore I wouldn't be upset about this not happening. But every freaking day it seems a friend is announcing being pregnant, finding out the sex, or due to pop at any time. Including a friend of mine who is pregnant straight off her honeymoon! I've been off the pill for TWO YEARS. Not that we've been trying trying that whole time. Side note: I've came up with this theory lately that when people are asking if you're going to have kids, they're basically asking about your sex life. And by talking about how not pregnant I am, I am talking about it. SO.WEIRD. Anyway, one of my Twitter pals had a good idea tonight-make a list of things I'd like to do pre-baby and see how many I can get done in 3-6 months. A pre-baby bucket list! I love it. I think that'll be my next post once I think about it for a while. I'm horrible at challenges, I mean, hello fat ass who can't stick to a diet/workout plan, but it's a good thing to dream about.

Oh, dreams. I've had crazy, baaaaad dreams lately. Like 4 nights in a row. Sucks. They're not about babies-but exes, the best friend I never talk to, mom... I'm hoping tonight I can go to sleep before 3 am, and not have to take a pill to do it.

Let the HOLIDAZE begin!

In a Funk

2011-10-24T20:32:00.001-04:00

Maple Leaf

2011-10-15T16:57:00.002-04:00

If I had things my way, right about now I'd be eating a giant turkey leg and getting ready to drink massive amounts of booze at my 10 year reunion. It's the magical 3rd full weekend of October, when thousands of folks descend on my tiny hometown. I'm not there. But I wish I was. :(

Might as well be a bucket list

2011-10-09T17:26:00.001-04:00

I have a list of things that are always on my to-do list. They never get crossed out. At this point, it might as well be my bucket list, because it's going to take until I'm about to die to possibly accomplish any of this.

1. Work out. Use my damn membership.
2. Get skinny. This would accelerate with the use of #1
3. Take piano lessons. I've been saying it for 10 years. I've probably even said it half a dozen times on this very blog.
4.Sew. We looked at and played with sewing machines today. They are FANCY. I've been working on quilt blocks for 2 years, I would like to actually finish it.
5. Renew my passport, have Josh get one...
6. Use said passport to travel.

This is what I've thought of just this afternoon. I'll keep adding...

Hey guess what?!

2011-10-08T00:23:00.000-04:00

I GOT A JOB! I went in for an interview on Monday, and after an hour, they offered me the job. I started on Thursday, and even went back today! ;-) It's part time and not the greatest pay, but it's more than unemployment was "paying" me, and it's in my career field! I'm working for an attorney who specializes in adoption and custody matters. I got over my idea that family law was horrible after my interview. I was jaded by my thrice divorced Family Law professor who made it all sound miserable. Yes, there are some heart-wrenching stories. But there are also some incredibly heart-warming ones as well. When I saw the large cork board in her office covered in thank you notes and photos of kids and families, I saw the joy that she had brought to their lives. I'm kind of doing a little bit of everything- answering phones, running to the court house, filing, making calls, mail, copies, getting lunch, writing motions. So yes, I am finally working as a paralegal, sprinkled with some legal secretary duties. It's perfectly fine with me! I know some paralegals who would look at a coffee mug and they themselves would be asking someone to go fetch for them. Nothing is above me. I've gotta work my way up. Paying my dues now, so I can only advance from here!

1

2011-10-02T19:42:00.004-04:00

Welp, here we are. Challenge COMPLETE. But I missed one day. Yesterday. Which means no vlogging. Unless I get 5 comments to do the accent vlog. Which is dumb when I think about it, because I pretty much know everyone who reads this, I think, and you know what my voice sounds like. You also know what my face looks like, but I'm posting a damn picture anyway. It's my favorite picture of me, which means that it was NOT taken in this last two decades. Because....gross. The picture is really more about my mom than me, but I'm me because of her. Everything about this photo makes me feel peace.

This was fun, seeing as how I probably will go back to posting once a month. Unless I find something else to do...

Singin' Sweet Songs

2011-09-30T18:14:00.001-04:00

I think I'll just let the music do the talking.

1."No Woman No Cry"-Bob Marley

2. "Crayola Doesn't Make A Color For Your Eyes" - Kristin Andreassen

Le Cinema

2011-09-29T18:12:00.001-04:00

3 films eh? I think using the word film is just an attempt to make movies sound fancy. Like going to the cinema. No, you are going to the THEATER to see a MOVIE. Here's my faves:

1. Uncle Buck.

I know every word to the entire movie. I love John Candy. I love the kids. I love Shanice Copalaski. And Marcy Dahlgren-Frost. Hyphen and everything. It's just so funny to me. Freaking John Hughes was probably the greatest director ever. And his love for Chicago is just wonderful. This is the original trailer from 1989!!

2. The Big Lebowski

I really shouldn't have to describe this. The Coen Brothers are geniuses. I've watched this movie so many times. Sober and not so sober. Dressed up like characters. In theaters that have celebrations revolving around Lebowski.I love the shit out of Jeff Bridges, and he is absolute perfection as The Dude. John Goodman as Walter Sobchek is probably my single most favorite fictional character of all time. A foul mouthed, bowling, Vietnam veteran with anger issues. AMAZING! THE DUDE ABIDES. Get your robe on, pour a white rush, turn down the CCR, and watch this movie.

3. Drop Dead Gorgeous

This movie brings back so many memories. Decades of friendships are tied together with the absurd quotes from this movie. I love the entire "mockumentary" genre. Just watched Best In Show again yesterday. It all started with Waiting For Guffman. DDG is about a small Minnesota town and their obsession with a beauty pageant. Kirstie Alley as Denise Richards' mom is effing hysterical. The accents are so over the top and everything they say is just ridiculous. If you want an hour+ of just stupidity and total belly laughs, check it out.

And I figured it out-I used movies instead of films because I'm obviously still a child and like ridiculous entertainment. If I would have picked Amelie or There Will Be Blood for my list, then I would have had some "films."

Whatcha Readin?

2011-09-28T18:19:00.001-04:00

4 Books. Oooooo. This is getting much harder. Why couldn't there be 10 books and 4 secrets? Ah well. I forget what the topic is until I come to write, so now I have to sit here and ponder....

Okay, got it.

1. Here on Earth by Alice Hoffman. I believe I've written about this book on the blog before. It is one of the earliest novels I remember mom giving me to read. I still have my first paperback copy; so worn in and tattered. Loved. I've had a headache for a day and a half, so I'm not feeling like a good writer (when am I ever a good writer?) so here's the Barnes and Noble synopsis:

March Murray, along with her fifteen-year-old daughter, Gwen, returns to the small Massachusetts town where she grew up to attend the funeral of Judith Dale, the beloved housekeeper who raised her. After nearly twenty years of living in California, March is thrust into the world of her past. She finds that Mrs. Dale knew more of life than March could have ever suspected; that her brother Alan, whose tragic history has left him grief-stricken, has turned to alcohol as his only solace; and that Hollis, the boy she once loved, is the man she can't seem to stay away from.

I loved how this book evokes your senses. The way Alice Hoffman writes, you can see, hear, smell, and taste everything that is being described. It feels like a haunting familiar dream. I want to read it again every time I talk about it!

2. Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. This little book is found in the children's section, but it's for all ages. I don't think I've ever read it/had it read to me, without someone crying. It's beautiful and simple. I could more than likely recite the entire book. If you haven't read this, please do so ASAP. And give it as gifts. That's what my momma always did. Read it to your kids, your husband, your parents, anyone. "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

3. A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. So this is the infamous Oprah's Book Club selection that sent her on a freaking tirade. I don't care if James Frey made up the entire thing. He's a WRITER. It's well known that his publisher suggested selling the book as a memoir because it sounded juicier. Well, it definitely made things juicy for him. Regardless of Oprah, it is one of my favorite books. I will never freaking ever touch drugs because of this book. It should be freakin required reading for high school students. Kind of like Requiem for a Dream. Intense. I love all of his books, but this one started it.

4. Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner. Another favorite author. I've read all her books. Well, I'm currently working on her latest, Then Came You. My BF and I first read this book while we were seniors in high school. It's about a plus size woman who's ex-boyfriend writes an article for a men's magazine about loving a bigger woman. Obviously, this is devastating to any female. And it naturally struck a chord in me. I would also highly suggest Goodnight Nobody, Little Earthquakes, and In Her Shoes. The latter, specifically if you have seen the movie. I love love love the movie, but terrible casting. Toni Colette may be plus size next to Cameron Diaz, but not in real life. Anyway, Good in Bed, go read it!

Go read all of them!

Yummy Yummy Yummy

2011-09-27T22:26:00.002-04:00

I am on a ROLL! 6 consecutive days of the blog. WOOT! Now, 5 foods. fud. F-O-O-D. And sorry D-this is a vegan nightmare of a blog.

1. Mashed Potatoes. the most perfect food ever. made with sour cream. or cream cheese. or some garlic. or caramelized onions. maybe formed in to a potato pancake. I adore mashed potatoes. Lumpy starchy deliciousness!

2. Frozen Yogurt, or Fro-Yo for the cool kids. I could eat some form of frozen dairy at least once a day. Ice cream usually makes me feel like shit and gives me a tummy ache. BUT I DON'T CARE. It hurts sooo good. Thanks to 2 new frozen yogurt places, I'm addicted. Thanks to Josie's and Groovy Spoon! Lots of flavors, tons of toppings. Current fave: Cake Batter & Dutch Chocolate Swirl. Topped with fresh strawberries, marshmallow cream, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate covered brownie bits, and crushed graham crackers. Also seen at groovy spoon-chocolate rocks, giant tapioca balls, fruity pebbles (amazing on it!).

3. Pizza. It really is a favorite. (are you guys seeing why I'm such a fatty? This post is SO OBVIOUS.) Favorite pizza- Lou Malnati's from Chicago. Deep dish, loaded with cheese, and giant chunks of sausage.

4. Hot Dogs. Specifically, Dirty Frank's Hot Dog Palace Hot Dogs. And their corndogs.I can't even begin to explain how tasty and amazing all the combinations are.(Fave-Cowgirl Carmen: chili, cheese, smashed fritos.) Their website isn't finished, otherwise I would make you go there. Here's a nice spread: And be sure to wash it down with a Cowboy Curtis! (Half cherry slush, half RC Cola!)

5. Phad Sae Eaw from Zen Zero in Lawrence, KS. I've tried it other places, and it's just not the same. I miss pretty much everything about Zen Zero! If you're in the area, GO EAT! Despite the unfortunate name of my favorite dish, it's super tasty. In case you're wondering: Phad Sae Eaw is: flat rice noodles wok stirred with sweet soy sauce, eggs, Gai Lan & broccoli. Bonus: Get the momos too!!

I Want To Go To There

2011-09-26T16:29:00.000-04:00

Six places huh? I guess it's up to me to pick if it's six places I love, or want to go to, or I totally hate. Hmmm. I have a few ideas.

1. Baldwin City, Kansas. aka B-town, God's Country, Home. This tiny little one-stop light town is located about an hour or so from Kansas City. I was the 5th generation to graduate from Baldwin High School. It is the one and only Baldwin CITY in the great nation of ours. It's small and a little country and a lot of gossip, but people are good folks. I miss the brick streets, maple trees, and Bulldog pride.

2. Aspen, Colorado. My family had the opportunity to live there while my dad worked there for 12 years. I only lived there full time for about 3 years, but visited at every holiday and breaks. I had my first job working for the Pitkin County Attorney in Aspen. I met celebrities, and new friends from all over the world. It's the only place I've ever truly felt healthy and wanted to be outside all the time, every day of the year. I'm crossing my fingers for my dad as he heads back out there this week for an interview in the valley. It's where he's happiest, and it would mean more visits!! I mean, THIS WAS MY VIEW FROM MY BEDROOM!

3. La Rochelle, France. When I was a sophomore in high school, I went with our French class to France. It was an AMAZING trip and I still remember it fondly. We went all over the country over about 3 weeks. My favorite place was La Rochelle. It was the first stop after we had all been in individual home stays-one of the best and hardest experiences of the trip. I was so excited to be reunited with my friends and classmates on the trip. La Rochelle is a city in western France and a seaport on the Bay of Biscay, a part of the Atlantic Ocean. I love love love the Ocean, and this beautiful ancient city with all the sailboats was breathtaking.

4. Agra, India. The home of the Taj Mahal. I've never been there. But someday, I will. It's been a dream of mine to go there as long as I can remember. The 20+ hour flight isn't too exciting to think about, but it will all be worth it to stand in front of this.

5. South Africa. I'm just saying the country in general, because there are several places I want to go to. Cape Town, to see the beaches and stay with old friends from Aspen. Victoria Falls, so I can say I've been to both of the waterfalls where a moonbow appears. (The other place on Earth is in hubby's hometown-Corbin, Kentucky!)

6. Vegas. I know, I know. I had like 3 other places before I would say Vegas, but this is my blog, and I'll do what I want. mainly just to say, I'm a Vegas Virgin. Between "What Happens In Vegas," "The Hangover," Katy Perry's song "Waking Up in Vegas," The Real World-Las Vegas....there's just so much crazy shit happening there. I think it's the kind of place you just gotta see. (This beat out Disney World.)(I could write an entire blog about everything I'm reminded of just saying "Vegas." BETTE MIDLER?! BUFFETS! ELVISES! CRAPS! MONEYMONEYMONEY!)

Always want what you can't have

2011-09-25T16:20:00.002-04:00

I say "I want that. I want this." ALL THE TIME. I have to be careful with the I want, I want, I want. But, this is my time to pick 7!

1. I want to lose 100 pounds. at least 75.

2. I want a Louis Vuitton purse. A big, real one. That costs more than a house payment. Because I want it.

3. I want long hair. My hair only gets to my shoulders and stops. I've tried for YEARS. no go. I don't think I could pull off extensions though. sigh.

4. I want a honeymoon. Like passports, plane rides, foreign money type of trip.

5. I want a Range Rover. Always have. It's a giant gas guzzling waste of money. BUT IT'S SO HOT.

6. I want lasik eye surgery. I've worn contacts or glasses since I was 12. I don't want to worry about that anymore and just be able to SEE!

7. I want world peace. Why is that so hard to ask for? Oh right, because people are all caught up in the idea that their religion trumps everyone elses. So they have to start wars and treat people like shit....I do not want to talk about any of that at length any further or I will lose my shit. :)

Phobias, Fears, Scares...

2011-09-24T15:24:00.004-04:00

1. Cancer. I'm so scared, it's more a matter of "when" than "if."

2. Getting fat(ter). I hate being overweight. And to some charts I'm morbidly obese. That makes me want to vomit. Of course, I talk about how much I hate being overweight, but I am horrible at actually doing anything about. Just no more. No more pounds.

3. Elevators. Anything over like 20 floors requires a xanax.

4. Fainting. I'm terrified of passing out.

5. I'm scared I'll never find "my calling." I think I'm incapable of finding one thing and sticking to it.

6. Ferrets. Maybe I'm not scared of them, but I think they are disgusting and horrible and why would anyone have them as a pet?!

7. Diving. I've never learned how to dive. I'm totally freaked out I would crack my head open.

8. Dying. Completely and utterly terrified.

Nine Busta Rhyme

2011-09-23T16:53:00.001-04:00

Nine Loves?! LOVE it!

1. My dog. I mentioned yesterday about life before dog. He was my dream dog. Hubs gave him to me for my wedding gift. I'll never forget the day we picked him out and our car ride home. How he utterly cracks me up on a daily basis. Today-I left my cereal bowl on the coffee table. I hate milk so I only use enough to get my cereal wet. I just got home and noticed he had lapped up all the milk. So now my dog is a cat. LOL. This is him last night being a couch potato. I LOVE BISON!

2. Melissa McCarthy. She was in Gilmore Girls (which I am still hell bent on watching the entire series!). She is in Mike & Molly. She was in Samantha Who. She was hilarious in Bridesmaids. She just won an Emmy a week ago for Mike & Molly. I'm just waiting for Hollyweird to get to her and she ends up getting gastric bypass/anorexia/Jenny Craig sponsored, but I think she's adorable and so insanely funny. There are some fantastic funny females out there, and she's definitely in the top of the pack.I mean really, this CRACKS ME UP:

3. Kansas Jayhawks. I could go on and on. Jayhawk born, Jayhawk Bred. Crimson and Blue for life. I think this rap song pretty much sums it up for me.

4. My engagement ring. I've been wearing this thing for about 3.5 years, and everyday I still look at it and giggle. My sweet husband worked so hard to pick out something so beautiful and perfect. It was a total surprise, and I'm still amazed. I still can't believe he picked it...that he picked me. <3. AM I RIGHT?!

5. Tapioca pudding. My grandma makes the best ever. She ALWAYS has it made when we're at her house. I didn't really care one way or the other, but then I started craving it. Luckily, I found the Jell-o cups at the store a few months ago, and now it has to be in my fridge at all times. Love love love.

6. Boxing. A few months ago, Josh and I had gone out to dinner with a friend. We decided after dinner to go check out this new boxing place that was a few doors down. Hubs used to have a heavy bag and he lost a lot of weight working out that way. So we hung out, watched a class, and signed up that night. It is THE HARDEST workout I've ever done in my life. I hate it the first 15 minutes, but by the end I'm sweating buckets and cursing and feel AMAZING. I do a terrible job of keeping up with it, and have missed classes for weeks. But if/when I commit to it, I *know* it's what will slim me down. Also, I've gotten really in to actually following boxing. Mainly because of Victor Ortiz (who got KO'd by that cheap bastard Floyd Mayweather last weekend >:-[ ) who is an awesome boxer and is from Kansas. Who wears a giant JAYHAWK on his trunks. Love it.

7. Sprint. Well, I am kind of mad at them for the moment, but I know they'll make it right. Lowest prices, UNLIMITED data (because that whole data cap thing just ain't gonna work for me) and a phone that I have actually loved for an entire year. Normally I'm bored and pissed after 3 months. Good work Sprint. Now just send me that signal booster for free so I can talk inside my house and all will be well. Oh, and get the iPhone 5 next month, so I can maybe get one. But I love my EVO for now.

8. Pinterest. I've had a pinterest account for a few months now. I'm pretty much OBSESSED. You can make boards-categories of whatever you want, and then add pins. It's a digital vision board basically. Check it out here: Amy's Pinterest Account

9. Grey's Anatomy. Last night was the premier of Season 8. I love tv and movies, but there's only a handful that keep me coming back religiously. From the cast to the story lines to the music, Grey's has become one of my all time favorites. Even when I get mad or sad or pissed off, I keep watching. It might not always be the best, but it's my thing. McSteamy. McDreamy. LVAD wires. You're my person. Seriously? One of my favorite quotes is from the show:

‎"We’re born, we live, we die. Sometimes not necessarily in that order. We

put things to rest, only to have them rise up again. So if death is not the end, what can you count on

anymore? Because you sure can’t count on anything in life. Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable

thing there is. In fact, there’s only one thing about life we can be sure of… it ain’t over, till it’s over."

EDIT***I just realized that I wrote this and added a 10th. I had it all planned out from number 4.

Math is obviously some I do not love. But number 10 is staying!

10. "That's my Favorite." I say this a few dozen times a day. Just ask my husband. Everything is "my favorite." So I love it. I can't possibly pick just 10 things I love. There's just so much more.

A Challenge

2011-09-22T17:52:00.001-04:00

So I was thinking about how I don't have anything to blog about except how mad I am and whine about how life sucks. Woe is me. Blah. Then I saw the "10 day You challenge." I think I can do 10. I tried to do the 30, but yeah, that didn't work out. We'll give this a shot. If I succeed, I'm thinking about doing a vlog...But that would be a BIIIIG stretch. Anyway, here it goes! Steal it, and you can do it too! :)

1. I hate sleeping with my back facing off the bed. I don't want anything to touch me. And feet/butt must be covered.

2. It's not a secret because I'm totally fat from doing it, but I'm a stress eater. Sugar all the way.

3. Coffee/caffeinated drinks do not perk me up. They do the complete opposite-put me to sleep.

4. I don't shave my armpits.....I wax them! Started doing it while in cosmetology school, kept it up, and I have like no hair left!

5. I kinda like not working.

6. I want a baby. A boy. Girls are not allowed. I'll send it back.

7. I don't remember what life is like without a dog. I will have a dog until the day I die.

8. One time I had such a bad panic attack in an elevator that I crawled out of it. (In the John Hancock building in Chicago no less.)

9. I miss my Jetta.

10. I used to be a terrible keeper of secrets, now I could fill an entire "Post Secret" book.

Calm before the storm

2011-09-17T12:41:00.003-04:00

Sitting here on the couch while the wood floors dry. 2.5 hours until caterers arrive with boat loads of bbq. 3.5 hour until guests. Thanks to google latitude, I've been tracking my dad who is driving from Kansas, and he is about 3 hours away! My mother in law and niece got here last night.

Yesterday was Josh and I's 2nd wedding anniversary. We went and got super romantic flu shots together. :) He took me out for a nice lunch, and when we got to the restaurant, there was a giant beautiful bouquet on the table for me. I'm so lucky. He's incredibly too good to me.

Today is my Grandpa's birthday, Tomorrow is Josh's 30th, Monday our niece is 4. Today's Housewarming/Graduation party as morphed to include the birthdays and anniversary as well. Cake, flowers, presents-all here!

I'm really excited to finally have all our friends over to see the house and officially open the doors. I hope it means people will just stop by when they want. I would LOVE that!

Oh, and I had an interview for a position in the courthouse on Thursday. It went so well! I think I'm a pretty damn good candidate, but there are LOTS of people who have the same or similar connections I do. Fingers crossed!

I think I am going to take a nap for a bit. Taking a shower first thing this morning was kinda dumb because I just got antsy and started cleaning and stuff and got sweaty all over again. Boo. Now, WHAT TO WEAR?!

Where Were You When...?

2011-09-09T02:20:00.000-04:00

Insomnia strikes again...before I did get an hour of sleep, I was writing a blog in my head...guess I needed to get up and write it now versus after sleeping more than 1 hour. So, here it goes.

I'm 28 years old. In the grand scheme of things, that is not a significant amount of time. In the 28 years and 8 months I've been alive, a lot has happened. I've always had a pretty sharp memory. From tiny, silly moments that only I remember, to huge, momentous occasions the entire planet experienced as well.

I've started reading a lot of 10th anniversary stories about the 9/11 attacks. It is still hard for me to process exactly what that day has meant in my life...Of course, I remember that in pretty good detail. I was living in the dorms at college, getting ready for 10am class. Turned on the tv to watch the Today Show & find out the weather for my walk to campus. It took me a second to process what was happening on the screen and hearing Katie Couric's voice. I woke up my roommate. We sat on my bottom bunk speechless. I remember trying to use the phone to call family and they didn't work. News was spreading fast. I don't think anyone went to class. I remember us going to the middle of campus and it was dead quiet. Eerily quiet.

I felt so alone. On that big college campus with 20+ thousand peers, I was completely alone. That being my first semester of college was already turning out to be such a reality shock. My family was scattered from Colorado to California. I was in Kansas. We had family friends in NYC. One of whom is my dad's really good friend who has been there since the WTC attack in 1993. He wasn't there on either day, but our hearts stopped.

Everything about that day made me miss my family so much. It's the reason why I didn't go back to school after that first semester. I couldn't handle it. I hadn't been prepared for the academics of college, and 9/11 shook my sense of security about myself personally. The panic attacks and depression I had been "free" of for over a year were back with a vengeance. I wasn't ready...for anything.

The fact that it's been 10 years is incredible. I have lived in 10 different houses in 3 states. I have gone to 6 different colleges (one of them twice). I FINALLY have an associates degree as of, uhhh, TODAY. I'm married, we own a house, we have an incredible dog and happy life. I've lost 2 grandparents. I lost my mommy. Days keep ticking by. Memories are as clear as glass.

The biggest thing on my mind this 10th anniversary is my neighbor. Yep. My neighbor, next to this beautiful house we call home, is spending his last week in his house. On the 15th, he will be leaving for Afghanistan. It's his 3rd tour of duty in 10 years of being in the Army. We talked for an hour the other day after we moved in. We graduated high school the same year, he and his wife got married 4 days before we did, and he's been in the service this entire time, like some of my good friends from home. Jeff told me his enlistment story-he walked in to a recruiter's office 2 weeks after 9/11 happened. He was struggling at college a lot like I was, and decided to do something. What a hero. To think what a coward I was. I ran home to my parents. He ran to fight for our country, and he still is. I think that gets me the most...10 years later, and we are still engaged in violence across the world. I am beyond grateful for the men and women like Jeff who serve our country and truly love what they're doing. I think I'm better off staying here and mailing care packages.

More than anything, I wish for peace. (Woah, Miss America speech brewing...) I wish we could all find peace in our hearts and minds for the loved ones who lost their loves on 9/11. For the loved ones that we already gone before that day happened that stirred up broken hearts again. Peace to keep our family and friends safe, wherever they may be in this world.

The thing about those big moments in life when you are asked "where were you when?" have much better answers when you change the question to "how did life change for you when?" I remember where I was when OJ was convicted, but that was a stupid day with no significance in my life. Different story for the Brown/Goldman families. I remember waking up at 4am to watch Princess Diana's funeral. It was terribly sad for me, but it changed 2 little boys' life forever. I remember where I was on 9/11 and how it changed my life because of the moments that followed for me. For all the people who experienced it together, every single person individually had to process what that meant in their timeline of life.

My thoughts and sympathies to those mourning lives lost in New York City, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania. My prayers and well wishes to those who are living reminders of that day. And deepest gratitude and strength to the members of the military.

This Is It

2011-09-07T12:03:00.001-04:00

It's noon on the last day of finals before graduation. What am I doing? Well, not studying for an important exam is the first thing! Ugh. I know that in a few hours this will all be over, but it doesn't feel like it at all. I'm not participating in graduation ceremony because it's on Friday. AT 10 AM. Who does that?! No one could have came. Why would I sit in a polyester cape with a stupid hat for 2 hours, basically alone? Lame. Also, we had to move our open house/graduation party for a variety of reasons...it's now the 17th instead of the 10th. But that weekend is our anniversary/Josh's 30th/niece's 4th/family from 2 states in town. It will be super fun, but I'm just a little bummed it's not "my" thing. I try not to complain, but the reality is that I have been to graduations/weddings/etc. over the past 4 years and no one seems to really have time to do anything for me. I'm whining. I know. Who should celebrate getting an associate's degree 10 years after they started their bachelor's anyway? I should be more embarrassed than having a pity party of people not coming to see my "accomplishment." Ooof. This blog went down hill super fast...

How about I fill you in on the other pitiful member of the family-the dog! Big Boy Bison had his eye surgery last Monday. It went really well and he is healing SO FAST. His stitches come out on Monday the 12th. He has had to have an e-collar on since the surgery and until the stitches come out. It's horrible. The giant plastic one they put on him got so disgusting (even after cleaning it out 3 times a day) that I switched to a soft one that is really too small, but he hasn't tried pawing at his eyes at all. It's kind of like having a kid with a cast on-it smells weird and he gets stuff in there. I can't wait for Monday, and I'm sure he can't either. And now, some photos of lampshade dog.

Home Sweet Home!

2011-08-25T15:15:00.000-04:00

Exciting things going on around these parts. We got the keys to the house a week ago, 2 burly dudes moved all our junk from apartment to new house in about 5.5 hours the day after, and here I am- a week later and alive to talk about it!
It has been such a whirlwind. Unpacking is finally wrapping up. We had to have the home warranty fixers come out because we found a water leak, but that took like 10 minutes. Today a plumber has been here all day fixing the shower and putting in all new fixtures. (Gold be gone!) Oh and we didn't have gas for 5 days, which meant cold showers and eating out a lot. Tonight I'm cooking dinner for the first time here.
The only other SNAFU was that our couch didn't fit down the stairs. Soooo that meant the couch is in the upstairs living room, which is fine, and we got to buy new furniture, wahoo! I'm waiting for those folks to pull up with our new cushy leather reclining love seat, reclining love seat with "media console," and a big ass recliner. Tonight, we watch movies on the big screen!
Last night it took us an hour just to thread from the big tv. It's mounted on the wall and has all the cords from the tv going down on box and then it come out another box at the bottom. I got one of the Wii cords in and out easily. Then after hooking everything up to the receiver and turning on the Wii, there was only sound-no picture. So we had to get another cord. And it's a rather thick HDMI cord. This also required us lifting the big tv off it's mount and placing it on the entertainment shelf. AN HOUR LATER we finally pulled the end of the cord through the damn hole. It was quite entertaining...
The neighbors are all incredibly nice. I can't wait to get to know them, and their adorable children, better. Although something super weird happened when we were all meeting and talking for the first time on Saturday morning. A few houses down, a giant crow had been laying in the grass. I saw it the night before and wasn't sure if it was hurt, or nesting, or what. Just odd to see a big bird like that sitting in the grass. So it kinda starts flopping around and we notice it can't fly. Thanks to internship, I had the number to the wildlife center to report the injured bird. By the time I called them, got instructions to put a towel over it and put it in a box, and went to the neighbors yard-it had died. The neighbor and I kinda freaked out when blood came out of it's mouth. Seriously bizarre. But I still put scooped up the bird and put it in a box to put it in the trash. The house immediately next to house is going on the market because the woman living there died of cancer a few weeks ago. This adorable family across the street was saying the birds and been around since she died. Weird. Hubs said we'll just make it a sign of bad dark things going away and new life happening. The 2 year old boy across the street (adorable family) has stolen my heart with his giggle and electric orange hair. The 2.5 year old girl two houses down (bird house) is absolutely a doll baby. They both think Bison is a pony, which is awesome.
Speaking of the pony, he's doing well with the transition as well. The first time he went down the hardwood stairs he TIP-TOED. It was so funny. That night, he stayed in bed with us all night. Which is unusual because he, and us, usually get hot and he jumps off. Well, I figured out he was afraid to jump off the bed in the dark on to the dark hardwood floor. Poor guy. He's over that though. Although it does sound like you're dropping a bag of bricks every time he lays down on the floor! Every time we let him outside, he stands there for a minute looking at us and I imagine him thinking "Are you sure I can just go? I'm not attached to anything." And then he takes off sprinting to the backyard where he runs laps, and snorts, and barks at nothing just because he's happy and free. It makes me SO HAPPY!!!
I'm sure this house will be the subject of many more stories. I'm so excited! School is finishing up, I had a job interview yesterday, and family is coming in a few weeks! Yay!

Sold!

2011-08-11T21:58:00.000-04:00

We closed on our first home today! We will get the keys next week. Selling family needed an extra week, which we've been fine with. The husband was there and he was so nice; wishing us "all the happiness they had in the house." I may or may not write my next blog from the NEW HOUSE!!!

Sleep Writing

2011-08-08T08:32:00.001-04:00

Good Monday morning folks. I am writing from the mobile app while still lying in bed this morning. Didn't realize almost a week had passed since my poem. Heh. The rest of last week was a 2 on the good scale. My sleep issue was driving me crazy. At one point, rehab sounding like the best option. Scary. Saturday night I slept really well and long!! Asking for that 2 nights in a row was pushing it. So here I am, drifting in & out of sleep. Later I'm going to go grocery shopping. I feel like a casserole...anyone wanna offer a recipe?.....Bueller?....

A poem

2011-08-02T21:14:00.000-04:00

I had great ideas for a blog earlier today after therapy when she suggested I do some writing...but then the day just got worse. And then I saw this, and have plastered it on every internet account I have:

The last thing I should be doing is writing a blog.

2011-07-24T16:41:00.000-04:00

Definitely should not be blogging right now. I can't post anything on Facebook. I've opened my trap on Twitter waaaay to much. I absolutely get the premise of "Too Much Information." Social media has taken me hostage. I guess this blog included. I saw this on Post Secret today:

I tried that once. I still came back. Maybe it's just my stress + everyone else's stress + heat + whatever other excuses we all make for behavior. I'm not feeling well physically, I'm tired-of school, of not having a job, of my body hurting...It never ends. And yeah there is worse shit out there, but as pointed out in Jezebel, it's a crapshoot when picking what to care about. And so I will wipe some tears away about my self-indulgent pity party and resume job hunting (because my unemployment ended today), studying (because I'm THISCLOSE to being finished, and it's not enough), and other miserable things.

WOE IS ME.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

2011-07-20T16:30:00.000-04:00

Another blistering hot day today, but as I look out the window it has started raining. Unfortunately, it hasn't been the kind of rain to cool things off. It's the kind of rain that just creates more intense humidity; like pouring more water on the hot stones of a sauna.

The countdown to closing on the house is now at 22 days. 29 until we have keys and are moving things in. Yesterday we got home owner's insurance paid for, scheduling a moving truck, and got an awesome deal from the sellers. They offered to sell us their washer and dryer as well as the 50" mounted flat screen, installed sound system, and 5 disc changer/receiver thing-all for 1400 bucks. So everything isn't brand spanking new (4 years old) but, it means not having to spend 1400 JUST on a new washer and dryer and twice that on a tv hubs wanted. And it's already installed and in the basement. HAPPY.

School is still cruising right along. I have "senioritis" pretty bad about now. If we close on the house in 29 days, that means last class is in 49 days. Just for these 49 days, can time PLEASE just fly by?!?!

Peanut Butter

2011-07-17T18:57:00.002-04:00

We had a fun weekend with my mother in law and niece visiting. We saw Winnie the Pooh which was SO CUTE. Went to the Park of Roses. Went swimming. And this morning we fed Bison his favorite treat-Peanut Butter.

.....Deep Breath.....

2011-07-08T23:14:00.000-04:00

(Disclaimer: I'm emotional and drinking wine.)
This week seemed to have a case of the crazies. Fresh off a patriotic holiday, the entire country seems to have lost their damn minds over that little murder trial in Florida. But I already wrote, extensively, about that. It must be that time of the month. Not THAT time, gross. But the other time, where everything revolves around my permanently fractured heart and the void in my life that is in the shape of my mom. I started therapy again, in an attempt to 1-come down on the (prescription) drugs and 2-actually TALK about her and let myself complete the grieving process.

Last week, she wanted me to look in to a few books. I ended up buying 3- A Mothers Loss Workbook. Motherless Daughters. and Motherless Mothers (this one is going on the shelf for a while. it's about being a mother yourself after losing your mom. I can't handle that yet.) I am still afraid to really open them and start reading/writing because the tears that start falling will rinse every printed letter off the page.

Yesterday, she let me ramble about stupid crap for a while and then made me actually face the music. I let go. I got a big heaping load of anger and sadness off my chest. When I looked through my blurry eyes, I saw she was crying too. Has anyone's therapist ever cried? That was a first for me. Then she gave me homework.

For Wednesday, I am to bring in 5 photos of my family taken before I was 18. I knew this would be a challenge. My parents were split up from when I was 12-19. We didn't really do vacations. Someone was always left out. I've found 2. I have 2 others, but it's after 18. Boo. I DID find a notebook I had to keep when I had to see the school therapist when I was in 3rd grade because I started having panic attacks. (How fucked up am I?) It was hysterical to read. I've came a loooong way. My life lessons, coping, etc. have definitely changed. But I'm still an over-emotional, bottle it up, panic for no reason girl.

The one thing that I've always been good at. Breathing. Take a deeeep breath. Whether it was mom telling me to just breathe, or telling myself to Stop. Count to 10. Breathe in thru the nose. Out through the mouth. If I can just remember to BREATHE.

A blog in which I discuss Casey Anthony. Proceed with caution.

2011-07-05T22:43:00.001-04:00

(This is my first, raw writing. I'm probably not going to even proofread before publishing. Just me spewing out my brains!)

At 2:15pm EST today, a young woman by the name of Casey Anthony was found to be Not Guilty of murder, child abuse, or manslaughter of her two and a half year old daughter. I am in the MINORITY of people following this case who agreed with the verdict. I have a lot of reasons why I think this way as well.

3 years ago, when this tragic case come out in the news, I didn't need to hear anything other than a little girl died and her mother was the suspect. As far as I was concerned, she should get whatever punishment was coming. (Note: I'm not sold on the death penalty. I think life in prison is much more painful, but then I have issues about the prison system itself...)

Around September of last year, I saw more news about her. The trial looming, motions and discovery going on, etc. I decided to take a closer look at the case since I am studying law now. My view quickly changed as I began doing what I would do first on a case in real life. Discovery. I needed to know the background. I started reading all the reports filed and the police work and all this chaos surrounding Casey Anthony and her family. The trial just sealed the deal on all the info I had already read. I think because of our media and internet access, America got MORE than the jury did, but still came to the same conclusion. The jury could not find her guilty because the Prosecution could not PROVE she committed the crimes that she was charged of. They didn't say she was innocent. That's a HUGE difference (and a huge other topic)...

I do not deny that SOMEONE knows SOMETHING. Also, we can't ever know what that family went through. It's completely impossible to actually hypothesize what they individually and collectively went through.

moving on to the players in this opera...

I'll start with her father, George. I was shocked at the allegations of molestation. George seemed like a shady player from the get go. I could not make sense of a man who was an ex-homicide detective and a "security specialist" that did so many things that to me seemed like no-brainers AND over the top things to distance himself.
#1 Getting a gun with the intent to "make people talk" while Casey was in the home while on bail. Biggest rule that was laid out was NO GUNS OR ALCOHOL. He KNEW buying a gun would put Casey immediately back in jail.
#2 An 8 page "suicide" letter. And beer + blood pressure meds to commit suicide. It was a self-preservation move that he KNEW would do just that. I could go on and on...
#3 Lying. I guess that is really the only thing I need to say. About ALL OF THEM. Lies lies lies...

Cindy-I feel bad for her. I wonder if she knows exactly what's going on. I wonder about her and George's marriage. I wonder if all along it was HER who knew something and maybe George really didn't. No clue. But, what I do know:

MORE THAN ONE PERSON KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED.

Her brother Lee- again, feel bad for a guy who was accused of molesting his sister and possibly being the father of his niece without proof. But there is an interesting dynamic between his family, and his sister. Why was he so obsessed with his "own investigation?" Was he just trying to be like his dad? Did he and Casey bond because they grew up with crazy parents? Again no clue. Lee was the one that elicited major emotion from Casey, and displayed his own. Something did not sit right.

The police and law enforcement-specifically Yuri Melich. This guy...is straight outta TV crime dramas with shady cops. He blatantly turned away from doing any other investigation on ANYONE. They decided that someone needed to go down, Casey was young and acting crazy and that's all he needed. TERRIBLE police work. His shitty investigation ultimately led to the demise of the prosecution's case. Too many holes. Too many questions left hanging.

As for Casey herself: I think she was somehow involved. Whether accidentally or intentionally killing her daughter (and only intentionally in a fit of absolute rage) or learning of the death of her child, I'm not completely naive to the fact that she knows something.

I've read all kinds of different "conspiracy theories." My favorite, and the most interesting, is that there are 2 homeowners on the adjacent area to where Caylee's remains were found with the last names "Zenaida" and "Gonzales." When Casey was telling everyone in the jailhouse videos about Zanny the Nanny and look close to home, was she talking in code? Try to wrap your head around that one for a second...

Pure and simple, my personal opinion was that the verdict would go like this: Not Guilty of first degree murder. (No premeditation.) Not Guilty of child abuse. (The state did that one for her. There first 10 witnesses all said Casey was a good mother and they loved one another.) Guilty of manslaughter. (An accident happened.) Guilty of all counts of lying to police. (obvious one).

Further, I think she will be a free woman come Thursday. The misdemeanors don't carry much of a sentence and she already has been sitting in jail for 3 years. Credit for time served. At MAX, she stays in for up to another year.

What else am I missing? I should have written a draft. I've been trying to explain this for the past 45 days. I really enjoyed all the banter on Twitter. Tweeting with the media live in the courtroom, trading barbs with complete strangers, it was all very interesting.

Oh, I know-a huge Standing Ovation for the jurors. I wanna be on a jury SO BAD. To do a civil service to the extent of being sequestered for 6 weeks 100 miles from home is amazing. I'm also proud of them deciding not to speak to the media. If it had been a guilty verdict, I didn't want them talking to the media to get famous. With the not guilty, I didn't want them to speak because of safety concerns and because they didn't NEED to. They made their decision. They can NEVER speak of what was said during deliberations. That's for the 12 of them to live with. I'm pretty sure they weren't unanimous at the beginning. Maybe they just wanted to get home. Maybe they really did see that there was no other way to vote per their instructions of the law and the evidence or lack thereof. Considering what feels like 99% of the world at this point thinks that Casey is guilty, the jurors had reason to believe otherwise. What's done is done.

If there is anything else I think of, I'll make edits and update the post. I have a feeling I may get some new visitors to the blog, so Hi! Please comment respectfully. To me and to anyone I mentioned about this case. It's emotional, but do some rational thinking as well...

I've already thought of some other things: How did she not say anything for 31 days but partied instead? Uhhh, have you ever lost a child? Think of someone you have loved and lost. Did you respond the exact same way as your other family members? I HIGHLY doubt it.Some people stay in bed depressed and in denial. Some people engage in reckless behavior. I know that MY coping mechanisms for when I lost my mom were very different of that than my family. I didn't commit any crimes, but I definitely recall doing a few things that even surprised me.

As for her having "imaginary friends?" Ehhhh that was a little out there. I have heard that Casey's defense team along with her family have an "escape plan" for when she is released. I REALLY hope it involves a therapist. She needs help. Big time. Then again, I just watched Weeds and watched Nancy get out of prison and jump right back in to her old ways. She needs a haircut, a makeover, and a safe place to go. Security. You know some psycho is going to go after her. Which if she's not guilty, is scary. I can't even imagine what happens next in the Anthony's saga.

Finally, I hope you rest in peace angel Caylee. I asked my momma to protect you 3 years ago. Whoever took your life will forever have the ultimate weight on their soul. Karma's a bitch. "We" don't need to know anything else. It's all for our own selfish gratification that we were so caught up in all of this anyway.

Okay. That's the end. For real this time. Be kind to one another.

Home Sweet Home

2011-06-19T18:58:00.001-04:00

Hello from the Land of Oz! My sister and I both made it here and have had a great time with family. Celebrated my Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary, and have been with Daddy-o for Fathers Day!

Happy happy everyone!

Envy

2011-06-11T19:47:00.001-04:00

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~William Penn, Some Fruits of Solitude, 1693

I need to vent. I have a problem. I am an extremely jealous person. I envy others a lot. I'm constantly comparing myself, wanting to be more like someone else, berating myself.

I've always had a little bit of a self-confidence issue. But I always managed to be extra happy or distract people by being the silly one so they would see that instead of seeing my weight or my freckles or everything else I hate about my self.

A main source of jealousy is my sister. Not gonna lie. She's 21 months younger than I am and my polar opposite. Tall. The body of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model. Incredibly smart. Musically gifted like no other. She will tell you none of those things are true, because we both have in common the inability to take credit for anything good in our lives. I'll say she's the one who has a college degree who's going to have an amazing life, while she'll say how proud she is of me going to school.

When we were kids, she was learning her cello and I was into basketball. For every cello she got, I wanted a basketball goal. I never got one, and I'm still jealous of her cello(s)/lessons/concerts/attention. But I got a car handed down to me, and then I was given money for a down payment on my first NEW car. She hasn't gotten a car. And she deserves one or the same down payment I did. I know that irks her.

I'm getting ready to go home to visit next week, and I keep thinking of my momma. I gave up my life at 21 to be with her. It was a no-brainer. But for the first 2 years she was sick and I did everything, the big story about her in the paper never mentioned me. I still get so frustrated when I pull up the article and videos and photo gallery because I bring those things up to be closer to her, and only get jealous about not being mentioned as a part of her life, other than "daughter."

So that's why I'm writing. Because she would have written down what she was feeling too.

My entry today: Headache. Sad. Excited. Nervous. JEALOUS.

Every new beginning is some other beginning's end

2011-06-10T13:59:00.001-04:00

Hi. Here for a bloggity blog. Just got home from PowerHour at Title Boxing Club. It's probably the most fun, most punishing workout I've ever encountered. Except for maybe my high school tennis coach nazi....Anyway, it's 15 minutes of cardio, 30/40 minutes of boxing that consists of 3 minute rounds with 1 minute of cardio between rounds, and then finish the hour out with abs. I get super excited before class. Then 10 minutes in to cardio I want to walk out. And I love it about now, 30 minutes after I'm done. It started in Kansas City-so all y'all back home should check it out. And in OH it's in Polaris and Hilliard. That was a lot longer intro than what's in my exhausted head...

Yesterday was bittersweet. It was my last day of my internship at the Courthouse. I cried. At least twice. Mainly because of the Bailiff. She is the sweetest woman and so incredibly smart. I told her and I'll keep saying it, she's officially my new mentor in all things of life. I had my 5th and final exam last night as well. I think I'm ending the quarter with 4 A's and 2 B's. I'll take it. Especially with how freaking intense this past quarter was.

So now I'm on "Summer Break." For 2 whole weeks! Ha! Tomorrow we go talk to the mortgage lender and possibly do our first offer on a house. Yeah, house. Buying one. CRAZYASSGROWNUPSHIT. It makes me excited and want to throw up at the same time. Just wait, as soon as I get a house, I'm sure this blog will be nothing but house talk. And reposting everything I've been saving to Pinterest. Do you guys know about Pinterest? It's pretty awesome. Let me know and I'll send you an invite since it's beta-mode right now.

What was I talking about? Summer break plans...right....so money guy tomorrow. Tuesday-teeth cleaning. I love the dentist. I'm weird like that. Wednesday-OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! Yes-Home!! My grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary is the 17th, and Father's Day is the 19th, so I'm driving there and my sister is flying in from CO so we can have some family time. And for me hopefully some friend time too!!

Tonight I'm extra super excited to have dinner with K from One Big Happy Family which makes me so happy. I've missed her, and her sweet girls, so much! I can't remember the last time I went out with a girlfriend, just us. That's sad. I'm glad it's changing!

Here comes the sun.

2011-06-03T13:55:00.001-04:00

Decided I wanted to study for finals by the pool. Well, I opted just for the patio because I didn't want to deal with any children. I was out there for 40 MINUTES. and this happens. And no lectures on sunscreen! I've had fair freckly skin my ENTIRE LIFE. I know the consequences. And 40 minutes needs to be an intro to like 4 hours. Why can't the parts of my body that NEED pigment refuse? Like my lower legs and inner arms. Gah!!

Weeeekend

2011-05-27T21:43:00.001-04:00

I have been super busy the past 2 weeks, and kinda stressed over it all. I had today off, and the next 4 off as well. But then its my last 2 weeks of shook and my internship. The past 5 months have flown by. I am more excited about my break from June 10 to June 26!!! Thinking of some little trips or something to visit people. Or, I want to just lay by the pool and read non-school books! And maybe I'll blog more. So now i have written my excuse if I disappear for a bit. Enjoy the holiday weekend. And thank a veteran!!

Decade. Double digits. TEN.

2011-05-14T22:38:00.001-04:00

10 years ago, this month, I graduated high school. Everything was bright & shiny. Graduation day itself was just like every other Midwest ceremony. We were the biggest graduating class ever- a whopping 104 students- that forced the first change of venue. It happened outside on a perfect Saturday morning, not even a block from my house, at the local college stadium they loaned to us for Friday night football games and track meets. We had a terrible alumna give our speech that all I remember about consisted of how working on her family pig farm made her who she was...

The rest of the day became a blur. That whole thing about time speeding up that everyone warned us about kicked in. It was the last summer before my world literally, completely changed.

First semester of college deserves its own very,very long post. The condensed version is that 9/11 happened right before midterms. See, I wasn't been cliche with "my world literally changed." It was surreal.

We just finished watching the series finale of Smallville. It started ten years ago. I remember watching a few, but being from "smallville" Kansas, I wasn't interested. Just like I had grown out of wizard of oz jokes, and questions about being in tornadoes. Then, 5 years ago, my future husband got me hooked. And like every show, I was emotionally involved. Unlike he and his best friend who were more concerned with the show following the comic. Silly boys, of course girls are gonna cry at this stuff! It ended with me crying the first hour, and the second with a happy husband.

This morning, I woke up from a dream, about high school, and was saying "I'm not 17 anymore!!" And then, I couldn't remember how old I actually am.27? Husband said 26. I'm 28. I'm in denial, but I'm 28.

I can't even begin to imagine what the next ten years will hold...

What a Disney Weekend!

2011-05-03T12:29:00.000-04:00

I've heard it all over the place, and it's cheesy, but a real life Disney Weekend happened. A regular (albeit rich and gorgeous) girl married her Prince and became a Duchess. Watched by 2 BILLION people and completed with the MOST PERFECT WEDDING PHOTO EVER.

The world's biggest evil villain got shot in the face because American troops are BADASSES.

And in my corner of the world hubs and I got brand new, identical vehicles.

Mine is the red one. I named her Red Pepper through my OnStar account. I'm pretty much in love. XM radio, OnStar, an app on my phone that can start my car, lock and unlock the doors if I forget, a USB drive to plug music straight in to it, Bluetooth for the phone...it's amazeballs.

Pretty stellar in my opinion!

Today was a Fairy Tale

2011-04-29T09:08:00.000-04:00

Royal Wedding. Two words half the world loves, half the world didn't care about. I am in the LOVE category. I love Love! Duke and Duchess of Cambridge sure have it. The abundant, contagious smiles were so sincere. Even The Queen couldn't resist! I can't wait to see what her Kate's official tiara will be-the one she wore today was her "something borrowed" from the Queen. I also read that Kate did her own hair and makeup after having private lessons. She did her own makeup in their engagement pictures as well. I LOVE HER!!! I remember the pure bliss of happiness on our wedding day. Love. Laughter. Smiles. Perfection! Congratulations to the newlyweds!!!

I did a much better job at tweeting everything as I saw it happen. If you don't have twitter then here's my break down:

Who designed the GORGEOUS dress Pippa is wearing?! Official Royal wedding website has Queen, her mother, Camilla, and bride. No Pippa! :(

17 minutes ago Favorite Reply Delete

AmyIrenie amy

I want brunch with Her Majesty The Queen. sigh. laundry and rain day life in Ohio returns. Congratulations Duke and Duchess!!!

23 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

OOH, since they have like 3 more receptions and all day of partying, who thinks Kate will have a dress change!? Or maybe the lace comes off?

25 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge need a baby :)

25 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

I remember that feeling of pure bliss on our wedding day.

27 minutes ago

luvspink_pearls LovesPINKandPEARLS

by AmyIrenie

I would like the royal couple to immediately procreate. I bet their babies will be CUTE.

30 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

I will also take Camilla's hat

31 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

YAAAAAAAY!!! Duchess is going to be a good mother. She is adorable with her bridesmaids and pages

31 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

7. I want Kate, excuse me, Duchess Kate's, earrings

32 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

6. God I love Queen Elizabeth! She can't stop herself from smiling the entire time! The love and happiness surrounding them all is BEAUTIFUL

38 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

5. Pippa is gorgeous too!!! She looked gorgeous. I would take that dress!!

52 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

4. No words for Kate. She is the image of timeless beauty!! Amazing.

53 minutes ago

AmyIrenie amy

3. THE QUEEN WORE MY FAVORITE COLOR!ps @katespadenybring yellow back for just a sec so I can get my fedora w/ YELLOW ribbon!?

1 hour ago

AmyIrenie amy

2. Hearing the Abbey bells was beautiful. First tear.

1 hour ago

AmyIrenie amy

1. The Princes looked so happy waving and smiling to everyone from Clarence house to the Abbey. You can tell they are very close.

1 hour ago

Hoppy Easter!

2011-04-24T22:59:00.001-04:00

I'm writing this at 11pm, so what? Not only was today my favorite candy day if the year, it was also puppy's 2nd birthday! He got treats too of course. And I made him wear his ears. Isn't he the cutest?! Reminds me if the cadbury commercials where the different animals audition to be the Easter bunny. Hope you & yours had a lovely day as well!

Hoppy Easter!

2011-04-22T17:03:00.000-04:00

Just had a 2 and a half hour visit from a friend and her 6 week old baby girl. I saw her the day she was born, and she just keeps getting cuter! There was something so peaceful about having a snoozing sweetheart laying on you cuddled on the couch. Watching Glee again. So the director of the rival school looks just like an older version of the main girl. Weird. Like they could be mother/daughter or sisters. I'm still loving Gilmore Girls as well. I just wish I had the DVDs or it was on Netflix ondemand! The quality of my probably illegal website videos is crappy. Ah well. Wishing you all a very happy Easter weekend!

Can't sleep...

2011-04-17T00:16:00.001-04:00

My thoughts are racing wild tonight...I can't even write down the silly things because it just sounds stupid. Stress, not feeling well...its just all piling up on me. I don't wanna make decisions about cars, moving, babies, school, jobs. If its not one thing its something else. And then it can completely change next time its brought up...random enough midnight thoughts? :(

Grumble Grumble!

2011-04-12T11:25:00.000-04:00

Classes for summer quarter went online yesterday. Which should be exciting, because I only have to take 5 classes this summer and I graduate! But, 2 of the classes aren't being offered. WHAT THE?! NOOOOO! Advisor told me for the last 2 quarters I'm "good to go. perfect." This has been the plan since I started. Ooof. Not happy. :(

I'm also not happy with the crazy weather shift-AGAIN. It's freakin freezing in our house thanks to having windows open. But it was 77 DEGREES IN THE HOUSE AT 4AM two nights ago. Suck.

Yesterday was my first full day back in action since Pneumoniasaurus reared it's ugly head. Went to class, went to court, went to class...And went to bed at 8:30pm. So glad that Tuesday is my off day. I needed to sleep. Getting energy back is the biggest thing. Coughing isn't as bad, but it gets worse they more tired I am as I found out in class last night.

I'm content with watching Gilmore Girls and Glee all day today. Gilmore Girls I have wanted to watch FOREVER. I wish mom and I would have gotten to watch it together when it first came out. It would have definitely been one of "our shows." I'm on Season 1, Episode 7. Super jealous of my birthday friend PW who got the entire series on DVD. I'm watching it, probably illegally, online.

I tried to avoid Glee like I tried to avoid Twilight. It took 2 years, but I caved in! Especially since it's on Wii Netflix. Hello Season 1! 4 episodes in, and I'm not sure. Kinda okay, but kinda stupid. Lea Michelle or whatever her name is, is super annoying to me. I love the red-head counselor with her big eyes. Cute. And songs are so-so....

Back to (my version of) Reality

2011-04-08T11:00:00.002-04:00

Finally feeling better! Yesterday I kind of overdid myself with a doctor's appointment, hair cut (2.5 inches off!) cleaning the house, and arrival of my mother in law and niece! Most importantly, they brought my big sweet puppy back with them. He had been staying at his Grandma's while we went to Chicago and started back in the chaos of work and school. He was gone two weeks and it was way to long. Especially when I was feeling sick. But my big ol foot warmer is home. Happiness in our house this morning with apple pancakes, Uncle playing play-doh with the Woosel, and MIL making a big roast and corn bread for dinner. All while I get to cuddle with my dog, and nap the day away.

Pneumoniasaurus

2011-04-05T10:22:00.000-04:00

RAAAAR. Day 6 of Pneumonia. OVER IT. Seriously can't remember ever being so miserable. Except the few times I've had the flu. I HATE throwing up. Gross. Coughing my lungs up is just exhausting. Going to the hospital outpatient radiology today for chest x-ray... luckily I haven't had a fever in a whopping 16 hours! yaay for the small things! Starting to feel guilty about not getting stuff done around the house, homework, etc. I just can't do it all. I'm gonna attempt laundry, a shower, and painting my nails. We'll see if I can survive that. TahTah!

Don't call it a comeback

2011-04-03T11:11:00.000-04:00

Hello, Hi, How Are Ya? Good to see ya!

I went on hiatus from blogging. Don't remember when. Don't remember why. I have kind of become Twitter obsessed, and I think I've taught myself how to say anything in 140 characters or less. Ridiculous. I need SPAAAAAACE. So I'm back here. What to catch up on? Hmmm...

I hate Facebook. I know I'll change my mind in like a week, because I always do, but for now-SO OVER IT. Every professor I have says "delete facebook! you're not going to get very far in this field!" blah. blah. I have all my settings so that only I can post anything. What's funny is that I think I need to censor myself more on FB than anyone who could post on my wall, but I can't find that setting. It all started sometime around the holidays when I decided to take my "list" (everyone in my friends list tagged as '2001') and turn it in to a "group." This was a mistake. As soon as it became a group, it became a breeding ground for all things Reunion. Yes, I will have graduated from high school 10 years ago in May. (sick.) This was not the intention of the group. It was for people to all be in one place without having to be "friends." God knows we were NOT friends in high school and I don't need pictures of your gross kids posted every day. That also has led me to a few conversations about how, in the Age of Facebook, reunions are going to be somewhat irrelevant. Out of 105ish people from our graduating class, 99 are accounted for on FB. The others are easy enough to find. Small town America, even without FB, we would all know what was going on because our families still relay information! So I mean really, do I have to spend time and money to go out of my way to see a group of people who post their lives on a daily basis? Mmmmm. No. Do I stay in touch with (albeit badly for the most part) the people I do still maintain acquaintances? Yep. End of that rant...

So I have pneumonia. Yeah. PNEUMONIA. What the?!?! How did this happen? Wednesday I had a tickle in my throat, Thursday I'm coughing harder, Friday I'm being diagnosed, and I've actually been WORSE since I saw the doc. The fever is the worst part. Seriously. I hate being on fire. The gross nasty cough and accompanying chunks of lung make it all the more pleasant. And I'm missing the entire week of class and internship. BOO PNEUMONIA.

School-besides being sick, school is super. I wish I would have had this attitude 10 years ago. I love my classes, love my teachers, and have been on Dean's List all 6 quarters I've been back in school. WHO KNEW?! The internship I'm doing is AMAZING. I started in January with the county Environmental Court Judge. Yep, interning with a Judge. I'm learning so much and actually getting involved and asked for my input. I get to do tons of writing and then Judge signs it. Love the way my portfolio is coming together! I'm with them thru June, and then I keep warning them that I probably won't leave. I'll either be like Milton, just keep on working away, or they will have to have an Officer escort me out of the building. Easiest thing is for Judge to just create me a job...which he has the power to do...so we'll see!!

Bison- I miss my puppy. He has been at his grandma's house for 2 weeks. We went on a mini-spring break and spent 4 days in Chicago and then school for me and training for Husbear started. Mom-in-law was going to be coming up for her spring break anyway, so she said she'd watch the big guy. It feels like it's been an eternity. And since I don't feel good, I just want to cuddle up with puppers. He'll be home on Thursday. I hope he doesn't hate us. :(

Hubs-Hubby Husbear is good. I feel terrible that I have been so sick. Trying not to contaminate him. If he gets sick too, I will die. He CAN'T. He's busy being smart and fantastic at work. Maybe even expanding on a new opportunity! He makes me proud. (cue AWWWWWW's)

Well, the Pneumonia is raring it's head. Doesn't like I've been typing and not sleeping. I'll try to be around more!....

Day 3

2010-11-07T21:03:00.001-05:00

A song that made me cry in the past month:

Welp, since EVERYTHING pretty much makes me cry, especially music, this one is pretty hard. But! Thanks to the Weepies and their new u-Please Speak Well Of Me. I think the title pretty much sums it up. Enjoy. And have a hanky.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D1i5BUYCQRKQ&v=1i5BUYCQRKQ&gl=US

Day 2, day late

2010-11-06T22:16:00.001-04:00

Dangit! I'm already a day behind! Yesterday was stressful...I completely banked about the blog.

So, day 2 was a book I can read over and over again.

Hmmm. This was a harder question than I thought. I wanna read the Twilight series again, but its not the top...I love every book by Jennifer Winer, and have read them multiple times. Same thing with To Kill A Mockingbird, Of Mice and Men, etc.

I think I'm going to go with Here on Earth by Alice Hoffman. She has written a lot of books as well, like Practical Magic. I first read it when I was probably around 14 or 15. I had just gotten back in the stage where I liked reading for fun again, and mom was sharing books with me.

The way Hoffman describes the scenes is so vivid to me. I could feel the sticky heat of the southern summer. The way gravel roads feel under your feet as you walk under the willow trees. How there's a point in the summer sky that lightning bugs and stars twinkle in harmony. And of course love. And inevitable heartbreak. All there in an easy, enchanting read...

Okay, I'm ready to take it off the shelf again!

Day 1

2010-11-04T12:50:00.004-04:00

Day 01 — A photo that makes you happy and a description of how your day was.

I was going to go with a wedding picture, or a picture of the dog, or one of time spent with mom, but I chose this one.

This was taken in Poitiers France. I was sixteen and was on a school trip my sophomore year. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Everything from the trip over there, the sights we saw, the home-stay with a family who spoke zero English, to the people who were on the trip. 2 of my best friends. This was after we had been apart from each other at our home-stays and it was one of my friend's birthday! we had such a fun night at dinner, and I remember getting ice cream and wandering around the city. Then we came to these massive steps to get down to the street, so I naturally wanted to slide down them. And now I want to go back to France!!!

30 days!

2010-11-04T12:49:00.000-04:00

Day 01 — A photo that makes you happy and a description of how your day was.
Day 02 — Your favorite book that you can read over and over again
Day 03 — A song that makes you cry or at least made you cry last month
Day 04 — A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 05 — Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 06 — A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 07 — A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 08 — What’s in your bag?
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 11 — A photo of you and your kid.
Day 12 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 13 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 14 – The meaning behind your domain name.
Day 15 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 16 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 18 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 19 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 20 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 21 — Your week, in great detail.
Day 22 – A song to match your mood.
Day 23 – A photo of your closest friend now.
Day 24 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 25 — The story of your first love
Day 26 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 27 — Scene in a movie that always makes you cry.
Day 28 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 29 — Pet peeve
Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

EVOlution

2010-11-03T16:29:00.001-04:00

We finally made the switch from ATT to sprint, and I am writing this from a Blogger app! So maybe I will remember to blog more...if I can pry myself away from tweet deck! There is a 30 day blog challenge my friend is doing (la holla!) so I will try! I gotta figure out some of the basics, but I'm up for it!

Year 4

2010-10-07T12:30:00.003-04:00

It's October. Which means I start getting super conflicting feelings. Things I love are all around. The air is crisp. The leaves are changing. Having the windows open and hearing windchimes. The 13th is Josh and I's 4 year anniversary. My "little" sister has her birthday. But as with everything, all that love has to be tampered by some pain. I lost mom on the 29th. I start obsessing about that day on October 1st. My head and my heart still refuse to get over this. This is year 4. Doesn't feel any different than the first. It's still the saddest maddest absolutely worst feeling of my life.

It's week 3 of classes. So far so good. Work schedule is going to change on the 18th. Even though I'm losing hours, the schedule is great with classes.

Next weekend Josh, doggy, and I are going home for Maple Leaf. We haven't been to Maple Leaf since 2007. (I guess I should explain that Maple Leaf is my hometown's big yearly festival.)

I've had my own little freakouts with health, and my pre-existing fears don't help. I'm trying to make conscious effort to censor myself on facebook and stop blabbing and whining. So I wrote this blog. HA! I still want to do my foodie blog about Michael Symon's restaurant, but I just got a call that the groomer has a clean puppy waiting for me!! Til next time...

September's Shine

2010-09-25T15:36:00.002-04:00

How is September possibly almost over? Seriously. Time needs to just slooow down. For life in general, except for the case of school. We can get that over any time! Which by the way, if everything goes as planned graduation date will be September 9, 2011! Ended summer quarter with 3 A's and 1 B. Overall GPA is 3.78. WHO KNEW?! My dedication and lack of anxiety over going to classes astounds me. 8 years ago this was not possible.

Took a little break from work and school to celebrate our 1st anniversary and Husbear's 29th birthday. We went up to stay in Sandusky, Ohio and were in short driving distance to lots of fun stuff. We drove up on Wednesday the 15th, checked in to our hotel, and then headed out for some winery tours. Lots of wine. Delicious wine. And a fun dinner and dessert and Mon Ami Winery. We drove along the coast of Lake Erie and it was really nice.

Thursday, Anniversary Day, we drove an hour over to Cleveland. We had tickets for the Natural History Museum and 7pm dinner reservations at Iron Chef Michael Symon's restaurant, Lola. We had a few other ideas of checking out West Side Market and the Science Museum. Uhm, the market is closed on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Didn't so much pay attention to the hours. Whoops. Then we parked, walked up to the doors, and the science center was closed for the month of September for renovations. OF COURSE! The natural history museum was really fun. They have a really good dinosaur exhibit and their planetarium is almost as amazing as the one in Chicago. Very cool to lay back and have the full dome and the stars move as the astronomer pointed out cool stuff. When we finished with that, we still had 2 hours to kill until dinner reservations and didn't know what else to do...So as we're driving around a freakin monsoon hits Cleveland. At rush hour. And we have no idea where we're going. So we called Lola and asked if we could come early, and we pulled right up to the door and let a valet take the car as we ran in from the rain. I had brought a cute outfit to change in to and put on makeup for our fancy first anniversary dinner. And ended up running in just like we were.

Lola may have to get it's own post with pictures. It was seriously one of the top 3 dining experiences of my life. Let's just say I was hooked the minute our waiter handed us an iPad for the wine list... After our awesome dinner, the rain had cleared and walked around downtown Cleveland a little bit and then got a drink at House of Blues.

Friday was our Island Day. We drove out to the lakeside and took a ferry to Put-In-Bay Island. When we got off the ferry, we rented a golf cart for the day and took off exploring. Put-In-Bay was freaking adorable. Living on an island and having a street legal golf cart would be something I could do everyday. We shopped, drank, ate, did the tourist stuff, and even ran in to some people I know from work. It was crazy. That was probably my favorite day. The weather was beautiful and it was just so relaxing.

Saturday we got up and checked out of the hotel and went for breakfast before playing at an epic putt putt place. I got in a hole in one, but lost to birthday boy by 3 strokes. We headed back home and took the scenic route. We were happy to get home to the pup and still have Sunday off too!

My new work schedule started on Monday, and classes started Wednesday. We're all completely at home now I think. And I've had nothing but issues with phone/internet. :( So frustrating. And working from the couching is just making me fatter...

Speaking of fat, a couple things..1. 3 feet from me are two library books I checked out and a journal. Naturally Thin by Bethenny Frankel and This Is Why You're Fat by Jackie Warner. Haven't opened a page. I'm just not feeling it. I know the #1 issue is the exercise. We eat pretty damn healthy, but we don't move. 2. Yesterday I finally broke down and went to buy new bras. After wrestling and sweating over 3 different sizes, I sucked it up and flagged down the sales girl to come help with "this whole thing" as I motioned to my chest. What happened for the next half hour was bittersweet. Sales girl Robyn was awesome, she was like "honey, it doesn't matter how busy we are, grab someone and tell them you need help with the bras now!" Hahaha. So I told her that I hadn't bought a bra in probably 5 years and my 38 DD didn't seem to be working out so well. That would be because I'm a 42DDD. Woah boobs. She was running back and forth getting "cute" bras and sizes to be sure, when another woman shopping and in the dressing room next to me peeked out and told Robyn "I think I need help with what she's doing." She would probably have been about my mom's age and the 3 of us were laughing and commiserating at the torture of bras. I suddenly missed mom SO MUCH and when I looked at the mirror in my amazing fitting new bra I could only see her. Here's the good news about bra shopping. When you do have the right size, it's crazy. I put my shirt back on just to see how it looks, and even though it's a giant bra, I felt like I'd lost 10 pounds! Getting the girls up and out there really helps with the waist issue.

I'm gonna stop myself so I'll have more to write about later, and go take the dog to the park. At least he'll get exercise for the both of us.

Tweety Got Bark

2010-09-07T13:39:00.005-04:00

Some puppy love for @tweetygotback for their #tweetygotbark competition. They have THE BEST layouts, backgrounds, etc. And they're from Boulder. Two Thumbs Up.

And in other Bison news, this photo won him my company's mascot challenge! (we work with prospective college students, he won hands down!)

Fatty Fatty 2x4

2010-08-31T10:39:00.003-04:00

Woah. Last day of August. 2nd blog of the month. Nice. So listen....you all know what a fatty I am. And I know it just as much. I really know this because I went to the doctor and weigh 25 pounds more than I did at the wedding. And at the wedding I weighed 75 pounds more than I wanted. And with our first anniversary 17 days away and a doctor's appointment tomorrow where she's going to reiterate that I need to exercise more, get my cholesterol down, and not even think about having babies until I'm not obese, I gotta do something... I also know because every attempt at exercising has left me winded, wheezing, aching knees, stress fractures in my feet, and the normal sweaty beet red lobster look I go for. Slimfast diet and power bars is so gross, and I get ANGRY when I feel like I can't have what everyone else is having. Especially when I feel like we have been eating super healthy this summer. Fresh fruits and veggies from farmers market, light meat, and only a few ice cream trips. :( I have a work friend who started up on Weight Watchers and a new location opened near the house. But I have all the books from like 7 years ago for that. I hate KNOWING what you have to do. It's so "easy." Eat right and MOVE YOUR ASS. Exercise is the hard one. The dog likes to exercise, but only for about as long as we do and then he's hot and panting. But he's still in better shape. So I found what I thought would be a good start, a 15 minute interval workout on the treadmill. I can usually do 30 minutes no problem, but this little bugger just left me totally whipped. So I thought I'd share it.

I swear I rotated the damn thing but anyway...save it to your computer, zoom in, print it, and post it on your treadmill like I did. Or if you're one of my awesome running friends, I'm sure this would be an easy warm-up :P

Daydreams

2010-08-02T12:03:00.003-04:00

My sister found this site and I immediately fell in love. Adele is on her maternity leave with baby Mila, and everyday at nap time she creates what her daughter may be dreaming of. Today's is perfect, because we're dreaming of the same thing.

Visit them for more amazing photos @ http://milasdaydreams.blogspot.com

Eight

2010-08-01T22:48:00.003-04:00

It's August. The 8th month. My sister and I were talking about the number 8. It's their new apartment number. We like it because it's like the infinity symbol. I saw all over the internet that in a 1995 episode of The Simpson's, Lisa had her fortune told and that today August 1, 2010 was her wedding day. So congratulations Lisa! Other interesting note about this particular August. It's the only month in 2010 that has a Friday the 13th, my favorite day. I hope this means August will be good. I always like that it's the beginning of the downhill to the rest of the year. Fall is around the corner, which will bring cool nights and football and changing leaves. Enough of this heat and misery and bring on the crisp air and fleece jackets. I wonder what August will bring...

Little Miracles

2010-07-28T09:35:00.003-04:00

My head is swimming with things but I can't seem to get over this photograph I took on Friday. I took a day trip to visit a friend of mine who had her baby girl 9 weeks early...She's 5 weeks old now and still in the Special Care Nursery at 3 pounds 9 ounces. This little foot of hers...It's the size of my thumb. She's incredible and cute and truly a little piece of Heaven.

So now I will try to remember that things could be a lot worse, to suck it up, and remember to live one day at a time.

She works hard for the money

2010-07-18T13:42:00.001-04:00

Ha, yeah right! I happen to be at work, and 1. I don't generally work too hard and 2. there is no money.

We have open internet at work now, which is AWESOME. we're not supposed to be on "social media" sites, but that hasn't really lasted. and now here I am, on my iGoogle home page getting to blog.

Also on deck for today at work- my cube neighbor called off and I'm going to wrap everything on her desk in red construction paper.

We gotta entertain ourselves right?!

Cry Baby

2010-07-12T09:53:00.003-04:00

I've been an absolute cry baby the past 5 days. School sucks. Work sucks. Everything is annoying and I'm just not happy. And then Saturday night I found my sweet little hamster Ruby had curled up and gone to Hamster Heaven. And I LOST IT. The tears finally just burst from my body. She was 3 and a half. Which was pretty awesome for hamster life span. But I was sad. Distraught like a 7 year old and not understanding what happens when your pet dies. Except I do know. And I relate that back to my mom's death every time. I can honestly say pretty much every time I have shed a tear in the past 3 years and 9 months it's ending with thinking of her. I'm sad/angry that she isn't there to celebrate/comfort/yell/laugh at me. My tears will never be my own again. This is why I need to call that therapist today...

Playlist:
b.o.b-Airplanes (obsessed)
John Mayer - Something's Missing
Counting Crows - Holiday in Spain
Government Mule - Beautifully Broken

Red

2010-07-04T20:16:00.007-04:00

Happy Independence Day Americans! Today I enjoyed sleeping in, taking a mile and a half walk through the Park of Roses (even though I was cranky during that part), having a light lunch and yummy pastries from Mozart's Cafe while an adorable old man named Mark played the piano next to us. I got a sunburn (red!) but it doesn't hurt and despite what the Apples to Apples card says about freckles-I am getting a giant tan.

Husbear was bound and determined to grill today, and we had yummy kabobs, proscuttio wrapped asparagus, and my favorite-cheddar filled turkey sausages. Pair that with the juiciest watermelon I've ever cut up, and a glass of Skinny Girl Margarita, and now we are crapped out! Enjoying one of the many tv marathons and dozing off on the couch. Excited about not working tomorrow as well, but I will be doing lots of homework...

So I have been having this little conflict with myself and thought I'd ask you guys. My entire life everyone looks at me and says "you're a red head." I have never thought of myself as a red head. I have light blue eyes, and tons of freckles. But red hair, not so much. Maybe when I was a baby:

But then kind of grew out of it around Kindgergarten:

And here's an embarassing picture of being a freshman in high school (maybe 8th grade) before I'd ever done anything to it:

My hair likes to pull red when I dye it, but that's just not the way it's been. But I want to try something. I saw a photo of a girl the other day that was adorable. I really am tired of hi-lites as well as plucking grey hairs. Yes, I have lots of them. I said I would never know when this was happening. Clearly I need to color it more. Anyway, strawberry blonde. If I'm going to be called a redhead, I at least want it a little more tame than like fire engine red. Or god forbid orange. So here's my inspiration. A little bit Nicole Kidman maybe? This girl is ADORABLE! I found her senior pictures. I'm sure her hair is natural, but I want it!! And! She does straight and wavy!

Senior pictures you say?! My favorite:

Ahhh to be young again. And maybe strawberry blonde!

Twinkle, Twirl, Twitter, Twist...

2010-07-02T13:47:00.002-04:00

TWILIGHT! I think there are more TWI words I could come up with but that'll do for now.So I mentioned that the weather has been AMAZING the past week, and while having all the fresh air and windows and doors open, it makes for a very excited puppy. He REFUSES to let me sleep in on the mornings that I actually can. Today it was 8:15. I know that's sleeping in to most people, but we were up until 2 am looking at house and weather and jobs in places that we think we wanna live (more on that later...) I got up to let the beast go out and just decided to park it on the couch for a while. Showtime OnDemand (best thing ever) has Twilight right now, so I decided why not, I haven't watched it in over a year.

Can I just say that I really liked it now that I'm not obsessed with it. lol. Really. Last year a group of us were New Moon crazed out and did the midnight show and everything, but it didn't really happen for Eclipse. Yeah, I'm excited to see it, but I'm not freaking out. I thought about seeing it today actually...but then I had lunch and walked around and played connect four with husbear. And now I have to go to work in 2 hours. But! With 4 days off, hopefully I'll get it in! Since I'm on this topic, I'll go ahead and say that I'm bummed the last book will be 2 movies. It's also the book I have a love/hate relationship with. Part part: Love. Second part: Hate. So then again maybe I'll just watch the 4th part with the parts I like...Isle Esme!...

Husbear and I like to read books together before going to bed every night, and recently we read Hitchhiker's Guild to the Galaxy. Then we start the second book to it, and decided to give up. So I asked if I could read the Twilight series outloud because I want to read it again. All I got was "Are you serious?"

Survived first week of classes. Hubs said he'd rather hear me read my psychology book out loud. I think I might go for that since it's my online class, and everything we do is a quiz from the book.

Time to watch some world cup/take a nap before work! I hope Uruguay kicks your ass Ghana!!

Summer Quarter

2010-06-30T21:57:00.002-04:00

So after nailing a 4.0 my first quarter back in school, I picked up lots of extra hours at work and enjoyed some World Cup (footy, still enjoying-Viva Espana!). Summer quarter started back up on Monday and I'm doing the same schedule I did last time- 2 online classes, 2 classes on campus. Online classes will be easy. My 'Foundations of Law' class is going to be super easy as well. But the last one...ehhh, it's gonna be the toughie. Legal Research and Writing I. There are 3 of these beastly classes. And from what I keep hearing they are "the most difficult classes on campus." I hear Chris Harrison's voice in my head saying "Gentlemen, this is the final rose tonight." But, after having a total panic attack before class yesterday it went okay. We'll see how it goes tomorrow night...

I'm still pretty bummed that I didn't get a job working at the new Apple store. I thought I was for sure going to get at least a part time offer...Maybe hubs was right and I shouldn't have worn the flip-flips to my final interview...But it's APPLE! Whatever, I don't want a stupid iPad or iPhone 4 anyway....who am I kidding? Of course I do, but I'm still angry!!!

The weather has been unseasonably amazing the past few days. I can't believe we have all the windows open in the house. It's amazing compared to the mega thunderstorms and gross humidity that were around most of the month.

Seriously can't believe July first is tomorrow. Where does the time friggin go?!!?

Oh, and over there on the right hand side, you may have noticed my new little badge. I joined a site called 20something bloggers. Frankly, I'm terrified that I only have 2.5 years of my 20's left, so I better use them well. And I don't blog enough, but I'm a social media slut, so why not sign up for something else!? :) Have you signed up yet Trophy Wife? This has your name all over it!!

When it rains, it pours

2010-06-14T11:56:00.003-04:00

So all that sadness I was talking about in the last post? Doesn't hold a candle to what happened over the weekend. My cousin Brenda passed away yesterday afternoon. 49 years old. Effing cancer. Then found out a friend's sister died at age 36, leaving 3 children without their mom. This morning-my sister's boyfriend's adorable grandpa Marty died last night. And then I read the Jimmy Dean sausage guy died. Sucky sucky sucky.

Woke up to the air conditioner making a god awful noise. Took a personal day off work mainly just to start making calls to family and figure out what's going to be happening in the next week or 2.

We had such a fun weekend from Friday night to Sunday afternoon that the house was wrecked, so been cleaning. waiting on maintenance guy to fix the AC. I think I will try to sleep some more on the couch. :(

My sister posted this on my facebook wall after looking through mom's things (she's been home the past week helping my dad pack). Mom had a journal and this was the only page she had written on. I vividly remember the night she wrote about. My heart was crushed.
"My heart breaks for my rock the world funny, beautiful, caring child/woman. Her perfume seeps through the house like the dream of her laughter. Her hair and makeup perfect - SHE, is perfect. How do I let her know this truth? To wrap her in my arms and make her feel her worth. Her genuine being. To know someone has hurt her, either knowingly or unknowingly, angers me to the deepest part of my heart. Why do we as women base our worth on a man's opinion?" 10/3/2004

New layout

2010-06-11T13:33:00.002-04:00

I found a new layout site with cute stuff. The Eiffel tower icon drew me in. I found this one and it's called "Summer Picnic" or something, but really, it reminds me of Tibetan prayer flags. I realized I don't have any in my house. And I need them. They've always been in our houses. And who couldn't use a little more peace around? This has not been a great start to a summer. Everyone I know is having hard days and heartaches and general tension. Whether it's the inundating photos of helpless pelicans coated in oil from that DISASTER to the dissolution of an athletic conference(RIP Big 12) it's been unhappiness lingering in the air. It's humid and rainy or hotter than an oven and it's hard to manage a smile let alone a positive attitude. I'm dedicating today's blog to my sister and friend PW (42 wallaby way sydney) who has always been a light house shining in the dark stormy weather guiding ships to safety. She's had some heartache and her is taking a break from her blogging. Which is a loss for everyone because of her wisdom, intelligence, and humor. I've had my fair share of whining and I'm constantly trying to remind myself to be grateful for the little things.

From one of mom's favorite people:
"Life is a difficult assignment. We are fragile creatures, expected to function at high rates of speed, and asked to accomplish great and small things each day. These daily activities take enormous amounts of energy. Most things are out of our control. We are surrounded by danger, frustration, grief, and insanity as well as love, hope, ecstasy, and wonder. Being fully human is an exercise in humility, suffering, grace, and great humor. Things and people all around us die, get broken, or are lost. There is no safety or guarantees.

The way to accomplish the assignment of truly living is to engage fully, richly, and deeply in the living of your dreams. We are made to dream and to live those dreams."
-SARK

One and Done

2010-06-06T20:44:00.002-04:00

Since I've been typing for the past few hours on my last final paper of the quarter, I figured I would just keep writing! So I took 4 classes this quarter and so far I have 2 A's in! I'm banking on the other two classes being A's as well, but it's not official. I had such a great first quarter back at school. I was so nervous to start, but I really surprised myself. I didn't miss a single class, and I learned so much. It's amazing how a change of attitude translates to getting something done. I never really had the drive to get something done before like I do now. Yay growing up! Hopefully I'll spend the next couple weeks getting in some extra hours at work, and then I'm taking 4 classes in summer quarter that starts the 28th!

Where are those darn Ruby slippers?

2010-05-24T14:45:00.003-04:00

Well, 48 hours of house hunting in Columbus left our entire family exhausted. On Sunday we went back to the top 2 houses, after having breakfast with the realtor and trying to have her explain more of the process. I still loved the house I blogged earlier about, but there were a few things upon further inspection that raised concerns, and I found new things I liked about house #2 that I had missed on Saturday.

But it just didn't seem like such a great idea. Long term or short term. We would be blocks away from one of the most amazing children's hospital in the country, but I still can't see myself bringing a baby "home" to somewhere I have never been fully at home in.

I am very very lucky in that my family has land that they own in Kansas. And even luckier that building a house there is an option. And on top of those lucky things, I have an address book of architects, designers, landscapers, cabinet makers, and other just incredibly talented people who could collaborate.

And to really just ice this cake and add some sprinkles: My husband is excited too. The first thing we really need to hammer down is jobs. I want to make sure that we'll still have opportunities that will be okay with our finances and not having to get up stuff. Well, we will be giving up plenty to build a house...

I finished my course planning, and I will be completely finished with my paralegal program by September 2011. This falls in line with Josh being finished with his contract at work, and the end of our lease. We've made it 2 years here, hopefully we can endure 1 more. I think this is a little more exciting that wedding planning!! Maybe this blog will turn in to inspiration boards and ideas of things we would love to have in our house! Stay tuned!

Hunting of Houses

2010-05-22T20:39:00.002-04:00

We had our first house viewing session today. Holy scary shit. It's no secret that I haven't been "in Kansas anymore" and haven't warmed up to Columbus. Today really didn't help. Except for one house. It made me want to come to our apartment, get the dog, get the air bed, and move in tonight. There is mint planted out the front door, and the backyard was covered in wild strawberries. We have a lot more to see and a lot more to discover...Could I possibly be breaking down and consider being "home"?

Gone but not forgotten

2010-05-21T15:24:00.003-04:00

I think about writing all the time. But then I'm either doing homework, going to work, entertaining the dog, cleaning the house, or honestly just sleep. School has been AWESOME. I only have 2 weeks left, and it looks like I'm coming away with 4 A's equaling a 4.0! Summer class start June 28th and I hope to keep up the momentum.

We changed hours at work and I had to cut down hours to stick with school and Now I only work at night. It's been tough getting used to it. I see Josh like for an hour, and then on Saturdays. Because I work Sunday afternoons and then have our softball league. Which is super fun. We are terrible, but it's the most exercise I'm getting.

I feel like I waste a lot of "free" time taking naps or playing online, but it's the way I can relax.

We've had a lot of other big things happen. Bison had his first birthday party and we rented out a doggy day care and invited our friends, human and furry. It was a lot of fun! Then we drove straight to Kentucky to surprise my mother-in-law for Mother's Day. We had a super nice weekend.

Oh, and that was our first trip in the car we bought. Josh's was crapping out, and we knew it was inevitable, but it came a little earlier than we wanted. Carmax was the most amazing place and we got an amazing car at an amazing price. We are all majorly enjoying the 2006 Cadillac SRX.

Tomorrow morning we are also starting a big decision making process by meeting a realtor and seeing a few houses. We've gone back and forth on this, and I'm happy and excited but also kinda bummed. I guess I just have to resign to the fact that we will be Ohio residents longer than I wanted to be. I need to finish school, Josh has a great job, he wants to work on his master's here, and we MUST get out of the place we're in now.

I'm going to try to get some exercise in...I wish this was something that I was motivated to do. I am so fat and gross. I wanted to just be able to be cute and wear comfortable clothes this summer. Alas, I think I'm heavier this summer than last. Trying to eat better as well. But that sucks too since having different schedules usually means fast food or frozen dinners. I did enjoy a PBJ and jello today though.

Hopefully I'll have some fun stuff to blog about so I will actually remember to come write about it!

hello...april?!

2010-04-01T19:03:00.003-04:00

where the heck did March go?! sheesh! it probably disappeared somewhere between the snow then up to 80 degree days. or the changing work schedule. or GOING BACK TO SCHOOL. yep, back in school. had i mentioned this before? so, i always wanted to go to law school. my answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?" was always "sandra day o'connor" i was obsessed with being a judge and wearing a robe. but then i actually went to college. and left. and came back. and left...and...you see the pattern. wasn't quite the academic in my chosen field of sociology and pre-law. i take that back, i did great in those classes. all the other stupid classes got in the way. and then i would come back and flirt with the idea, only to have something happen again. so instead of finishing the bachelor's and going to law school (because that is looking at atleast 5 years which puts me at, shudder, 32) i transferred all my credits to the ABA certified paralegal program at the local community college. i'm taking 4 courses this quarter- 2 online and 2 on campus, and so far so good!! so if i'm not blogging, check on me on facebook...because i still have to go there at least once a day!

I'm a pilates freak

2010-03-08T20:37:00.002-05:00

i've been completely annoyed/bored/anywhere but here lately. but my friend zach really helped remind me it was time to blog...

See ya!

2010-02-28T15:59:00.002-05:00

February, that is! I can't believe this is the last day of the month. How did that happen? On the other hand, THANK GOD. Way too much snow this month. Let's hope the snow exits with the month. I already flipped over the calendar and saw that we get to Spring Forward in March too! yay! I didn't think that going from 20 hours to 32 hours at work would be that much a difference, but woah it is. Hubs and I have been carpooling to work too, and it just seems like lots of hours away from home. Big Bison hasn't been a fan. poor guy. He also got fixed last week....so he's really not happy with us at all. But it was the responsible thing to do. Bob Barker really made a lasting impression on me there.

Got some cleaning done today and now enjoying the finale of the Olympics. I really enjoyed it this year. Lots of good action, ie, curling! Yep, I got obsessed. I'll probably forget about how much I want to try it by next week, and then won't even think about it for another 4 years. ha! Hockey, speed skating, and women's skiing were my faves. And Shaun White's RIDICULOUS half pipe runs. Wow! I miss being athletic and having fun outside in the snow. I was sweating after vacuuming today.
:( boo.

Anyway, good bye February, what's up March!

February 14th, 2010

2010-02-14T19:45:00.003-05:00

First Valentine's with my Husband :)

10:14am: Breakfast in Bed

12:30pm: dinner grocery shopping

2:05pm: Crazy Heart at the theater

6:00pm: Chicken marsala, creamed aspargaus, roasted potatoes and sparking peach wine

7:15pm: Funny People onDemand

7:47pm: writing this blog while husband fixes a dessert and movie is paused.

perfect. hope yours was too :)

I suck.

2010-02-07T09:57:00.002-05:00

I am disappointed. I am so lazy that I can't get over myself to make changes. I did 2 days of 28 for 28..then nothing. One day I was cleaning the house and running around and broke a sweat so I counted that. Yesterday it took me an hour to shovel snow, and I totally counted that because I was sweating, panting, and today I'm quite sore-which means you had a workout right? I'm just so frustrated! The more I watch tv, and thinking about wanting kids, I want to be SKINNY! I hate hate hate all this extra weight. I want to be pretty and wear cute jeans and run and jump and play. At least we're broke and I can't go buy all the chocolate and candy and sugar that I want. Instead I'll have oatmeal with raisins which is a better choice right? Ughhhhhh.

it's GROUNDHOG DAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

2010-02-02T14:00:00.002-05:00

Now, re-read the title in your Oprah yelling voice. Much better.

I'm totally ripping off my awesome friend (even though she has some serious flaws with the whole ksu/republican/runningforfun/beingavegan thing...I guess that's why I adore her, because we're 180 degrees different) She reposted from last year on groundhog's day. I posted the day after, and it was lame, but here it goes.

**not too much to report on. the save the dates were mailed yesterday!! hopefully everyone gets them, as i found out when putting them in to the mail box, magnets definitely stick to the metal container of the post office. i'd hate for someone not to get it because it's decorating the westerville, ohio mail box. we are registering at crate and barrel on the 15th, which will be the end of a fun valentine's weekend. friday, the 13th, is josh and i's lucky day and 28 month anniversary of when we met. not sure what we'll do on valentine's day, but whole foods is having a wine tasting which sounds fun!

the sun is finally out, only to start snowing later today again i think. i keep thinking warm thoughts about our wedding day and every possible honeymoon destination.

still haven't resumed dress shopping, maybe the weekend after valentine's we might go. i've been eating really good and have been using the treadmill to walk for at least half an hour every day, some days longer. i'm trying to focus on that one day at a time.**

Kinda crazy reading it back though, wow. Oh, and yesterday was a success on 28 minutes! Today is my day off, and I've been cleaning the house like enough to break a sweat, and took the dog on a walk, but I think I'll get on and watch the first 1/2 of Ellen at least on the treadmill!

28 for 28

2010-01-31T16:49:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking about this post for awhile, and when I logged in and realized my last post was "27th Edition" I laughed that I continue with 28.

Tomorrow is February first. Amazing that January is gone already. I like February...it's a short month, there's Valentine's Day, and hopefully more days with sun and higher than 30 degree temperatures.

I thought February would be a perfect month to start a little challenge for myself. I originally thought 30 for 30, but 28 for 28 will be a great start....

To explain: I am trying to commit to 28 minutes on the treadmill for every 28 days of the month. My work schedule also changes tomorrow, so I won't have any excuses to put this off. Needless to say, I'm terrible at the exercise thing, so wish me luck!

27th Edition

2010-01-26T10:05:00.003-05:00

Saturday was my 27th birthday. It still sounds crazy to say it. My dad called on Wednesday and said that he was going to be driving here on Friday to spend the weekend with us. I was sooo excited! We haven't seen him since the wedding, and he hasn't been out here for about a year and a half.

We spent my birthday day by going down to Cincinnati/Newport, KY and we went to the aquarium which was amazing! I LOVE aquariums, and I think that's becoming something that I want to go and visit as many as I can! I think I'm at like 7....Anyway, the one in Newport was very beautiful. Awesome exhibits and everything was just so pristine. The jellyfish room was absolutely incredible. Then we went to the Hofbrauhaus for some beer and schnitzel! It is a giant beer hall that is modeled after a 400 year old place in Germany. Totally cool, delicious food, and fun atmosphere. There was a band, and people on tables, and just party atmosphere. We stopped at the big outlets on the way home and did a little shopping. Got some cute clothes and something that I have been wanting for months...there is a kate spade store and I got a new purse! Love love love it!

Got a raise at work, and last night found out I got a new 32 hour a week shift! I have Tuesdays and weekends off. Super excited and bringing some more money home.

Can't believe January is almost over...2010 seems to be looking bright! Unlike Jake's rose ceremony on The Bachelor that is on in the background...

According to You

2010-01-21T00:52:00.002-05:00

Mega-Venting

2010-01-20T22:25:00.002-05:00

Not had a good week....even longer actually.
It started last Friday when I accidentally sent an email to the director of operations at work. Meant to send it to another "Chris" but it ended up in the Ops Managers inbox. Nothing big, just a link to a New York Times story on Haiti. Harmless, I thought, but none the less he forwarded it to my team leader who write me a nice long email about company email policies.

Then I got wasted on Saturday night for the first time in seriously over a year. Had fun, but felt like crap on Sunday. Finally recovered a little bit only to go to a beer tasting and to watch the Big Lebowski. Also fun, but exhausting.

Next, might be TMI, but it's part of why I feel terrible, so it's included. I went off birth control before Christmas. My period finally showed up, and wowwee is my body out of whack. My face has exploded with acne like I had pre-accutane, the cramps and pains are crippling, and this mood swing/crying/emotional melt down is just exhausting. Only positive I've noticed is that my eyelashes are longer. It's true. Maybe a coincidence, but I've totally noticed it.

So then I've been late to work 2 days in a row, which stresses me out. I love my job. I really really do. I love my job so much that I held out for this company when they interviewed me in May but didn't hire me until August. But I'm getting frustrated. I work my little tail off and do it with as much charm and charisma that I can choke down. But I still don't get offered a full time position....or trained on other areas. And today, when I found out the guy who's been there 2 months and hired by a temp agency is getting more hours and got trained on the thing I was told a month ago I couldn't, well, I felt let down. Again.

Then we have facebook. Oh dear sweet baby jesus there is facebook. I had a friend in high school. We lived together in college. She went bible thumping crazy and we stopped talking. Then facebook came around and my mom got cancer and she was nice to me again. But then I got deleted. Because of the word FUCK. I like to cuss a lot, when I'm mad, when I'm excited, I cuss like a motherfucking douchebag asshole of a sailor. And I don't care most of the time. Mainly because most of the time I'm constantly censoring myself for children and when I want to vent, I like to swear it up. big ****FUCKING**** deal. Well, seriously not even a month ago I see a new friend request. I waited two days, and then I said okay, I'll be friends with her again. So tonight when I post on facebook "so fucking crabby..." and get an email from her about how she's deleting me again because of my language. Seriously? I shouldn't have accepted your friend request. Or just hide my profile, or change your settings. Hell, I changed MY settings so that SHE didn't have to read it. Grow the fuck up.

My stupid birthday is Saturday. I hate birthdays. I really hate birthday's since my mom's not here and I can't have an angel food cake. I'd rather just not ever celebrate a birthday. Big deal. We're born, shit happens, we die. I'm not just being period/pissy/pessimist (well, I am) but really, who cares. Lots of people have had stuff happen on their birthdays and they don't like it either. I can pick anyday to eat cake, and if you want to give me a present, do it any time. It would probably feel more special if it wasn't because you had to do it for a birthday anyway.

Praying for the sun to come out and my body to stop hurting and my heart to stop aching....

Whirl

2010-01-14T09:32:00.002-05:00

Not much new to report around these parts! We did some puppy-sitting for a few days while my friend went to NYC. Bison had a good time chasing 2 chihuahuas. I've been picking up hours at work, so been busy. And I admit that the only time I get on the computer is to check people.com and see how FarmTown is doing on facebook. Oof. I admitted it....Today is potluck day at work, FOOD! So I gotta go to the grocery store to get all the goods for chili cheese dip! :)

The Bachelor-Read with caution

2010-01-05T09:15:00.003-05:00

A few things have happened already in 2010 that I didn't think were possible. One: The Real World is back on MTV (season 23!) and it's in Washington DC. I've got the DVR set after not watching it for like 10 seasons. But I probably won't get as into it as the title show...THE BACHELOR

Jake is bachelor #14. I watched the first couple, then blew it off. I've watched all The Bachelorette's because I think they are just much more interesting. One guy and multiple girls makes my head spin. Which is exactly what I thought about the first episode. He let 10 of 25 go, some good ones were left, and he kept some bad girls.

My faves: Ali-yellow dress, 25, lost her voice, tripped and fell. She's adorable,blonde, and totally in the previews she'll be top 3. Elizabeth: From Nebraska, 29, Nanny, started the football game. She is beautiful with dark hair and light eyes. She's in the top

Red Flags: Both "models" Rozyln and Gia. Gia because she just looks like it, but Rozyln! Holy cow! Her eyes and expressions are soo telling. She even acted totally uninterested until getting a rose then playing along. I think she'll be the one who has an affair with a crew member. Vienna. Oy. From her little intro I was turned off. Any 23 year old who's daddy has bought her 5 cars, and has mommy/daughter days out with her little dog (and has crazy eyes and man jaw) should be approached with caution.

Others: Ella the mom from Tennessee. She seems a little too forward, we'll see. Dying to find out Jake's reaction to Tenly being a virgin bride who's now divorced at 25. Wondering who's the virgin, who was married, who has kids...according to the narrative at the end....

I'm totally hooked. Jake is adorable, and I'll be watching the whole thing!

In other tv news: I'm going to forgo Idol this season. It starts on the 12th. I can't handle it. The Bachelor will be the only reality show. I'm really excited about the return of United States of Tara on showtime, and the new legal show on abc, The Deep End, that starts on the 21st! And good old Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice is back on the 14th!

I can't believe I spewed all that out by memory....

2010!

2010-01-01T15:24:00.002-05:00

Well, here we are...two thousand and ten. I like the even sounded number. I hope it's a good year...

I just got a tweet from omgfacts and they claim that 63% of people will keep their resolutions after the first 2 months. Something makes me highly doubt that...

My first resolution is the same as every year: Lose weight. This time, I hope to be part of the 63%. I'm realizing how vitally important it is to get rid of these extra pounds; for my health, and the health of future babies!

My second resolution is to finish the quilt I began last summer. I hope by this fall it's on our bed.

My third is to complete the paralegal associates degree at CSCC. Now is the time to make my dreams of working in a law office reality. I may not be a lawyer, or a supreme court judge one day, but I'll be in the field doing what I'm best at.

The final resolution (for now) is to put my passport to use. And make sure Josh gets his. There's too much to see out there and we gotta get roaming!!!

I wish you all health, wealth, and happiness for this new calendar year. Cheers!

It's almost over..

2009-12-29T10:42:00.002-05:00

2009 that is. wow. Pretty amazing when i think of what happened this year.
January: went to san francisco. turned 26 with a party at chuck e cheese
February: josh got his wisdom teeth out and i played nurse.
March: found my wedding dress in st. louis! ended 2 years with my nanny family.
April: went to kansas for wedding planning, lots of free time unemployed.
May: had a nervous break down.
June: still unemployed, Josh graduated!, my Nanny passed away.
July: spent the entire month in Kansas.
August: Got a job! and my dream dog!
September: GOT MARRIED!
October:
November: Had our first married Thanksgiving at Chinese Buffet.
December: Christmas in Kentucky.

that's a pretty basic run down. I've talked about most of it in detail as it happened. ready for 2010!

Garter Girl!!

2009-12-21T21:37:00.002-05:00

Yay! My custom garter was featured in the designer's blog today!! Check it out Here!!

http://juliannesmith.wordpress.com/2009/12/21/real-wedding-garter-superman/#comment-698

Gloomy

2009-12-17T08:34:00.004-05:00

Been a tough week, not sure exactly what to pinpoint it on, but tough none the less. Anxiety has been creeping in, the realization it's only 8 days until Christmas and I will probably not be seeing anyone from my side of the family. I'll still absolutely enjoy time with the in-laws, but still makes my heart ache. Scary news this morning from a friend's mother that she was rushed to the hospital and told that one of her lungs is 2/3 full of blood clots and the other 1/2 full...and she's pregnant with her second baby after lots of trying. Then I read my dear friend's blog and cry more. If you don't read her blog, you should. I mean, she's a professional writer. She's amazingly smart and funny and always makes you think, laugh, and your heart swell. So this is dedicated to Pworthy 42 wallaby way sydney....and the rest of us feeling lost this holiday.

TGIF!

2009-12-11T07:37:00.002-05:00

7:38 am blog. Wow! I was totally going to go back to sleep, well, I still might, but I'm here, so HEY! Husband and I had noticed some little black specks on the counter the past few mornings, and at first I just thought it was off the griddle iron thing from making pancakes, but it kept returning...so yesterday at my marathon grocery store shopping spree, I picked up some glue traps. I had my money on a mouse the whole time. Josh was thinking it was some kind of bug or cockroach or something. Well, I got up with Josh today and I was going to make him breakfast. I forgot the glue traps were in the kitchen...I saw the first one on the counter, nothing...then another on the floor, nothing...so I rounded the corner...AND A TEENY TINY LITTLE GREY MOUSE WITH GIANT BEADY EYES WAS SQUEAKING ON THE GLUE TRAP WITH POO ALL OVER. I ran straight back in to bed to tell hubs and he started cracking up in the shower. So I said go take care of it and I'll come back down. Then I heard is footsteps coming up the stairs 'DO NOT BRING THAT THING UP HERE!!' I yelled. He walks in and says 'so i have a moral dilemma. it's still alive, but there's no way he can get off the glue trap, and it's kinda cute.' So I said, put it in a plastic bag, tie it up, and take it out to the garbage. And then neither of us had breakfast. hahaha.

In other animal news: Bison weighed in at 108 pounds yesterday! My "puppy" is gigantic! Now, time to enjoy the fact it's FRIDAY! Fun weekend planned ahead!!

Ugh, REALLY?!

2009-12-07T11:13:00.002-05:00

My last post was at Thanksgiving?! Ridiculous. That whole thing about time flies as you get older....Do I have to admit it's true? Holy moly lots of stuff happens, but in the grand scheme of things, not really. haha.

Life in the Newlywed Nest is okay. We've had some kinks in regardless to financial soundness, but I think it's turning around. The house is decorated for Christmas and we moved things around a bit. I like our cozy little set up. Bison is still growing like a weed and is so much fun. He's had some tummy issues which is totally my fault for letting him eat an entire end of a rawhide bone...

It's finally starting to feel COLD. The frozen ground, have to scrape the car window cold. I pretty much enjoy the winter...down to about 40 degrees I can wear a sweater and then just a puffy vest over it. But under 30 qualifies for an actual coat, and gloves, and maybe a hat. I'm pretty upset that I can't find my pea coat from the past few winters. No idea where it went, boo.

Work is going okay...still wish I had more hours because that means more money. Or if I can work the same hours and just double my salary, that would work fine too :).
Contemplating a second job or just keep pursuing available shift pick ups.
I'm also re-thinking school again. Looking in to online paralegal programs. Everyone knows I always wanted to go to law school, but I just don't see that fitting me and now my life. My role model from my first job 13 years ago was a paralegal and she was wonderful. She worked right next to the lawyers and still enjoyed it. So, that info is on it's way.

Looking forward to Christmas in Kentucky with the in-law's. Wow. So funny to say that! Hoping my dad can come join us, but not sure if that will happen. I'm so worried about him...his job, his car, his house...I think I may have to figure out getting home in the next couple months to get my stuff out of my parents house. I've used it like storage and now I think I need an actual storage unit...

Missing my friends like crazy. Every time I meet someone here they seem to get taken away from me. :( It's tough being old and finding time for friendships. I've been kinda bummed out and holding a grudge all over an invitation...Not to bring it up and I don't blame ANYONE but the fact that I didn't MAKE anyone being in my bridal party seems like I got looked over for the parties and showers...Again, no offense to my BFF that reads this. Life was crazy, and we made the wedding difficult...But it stings.

Anyway, I'm starving, I'm still in pj's, watching the view, and have to be at work in an hour and a half. And the car needs defrosted.